1. First things first, you’re going to want to get yourself a cat. It helps if this cat looks like it’s from another planet, and doubly so if it was already born with a miserable face. Put a towel on his head to make sure he knows what is coming. It helps if you also run some bathwater out of the faucet and point to the cat, and then to the faucet.
2. Immerse your cat in water. Make sure the water is not too hot but definitely icy cold. Also support your little guy in the bucket so that it doesn’t drown.
3. I SAID SUPPORT HIM IN THE BUCKET.
4. Now, add soap to the water. Be sure to hold a delicious meat treat over the cats head to ensure his ears stay dry.
5. Throw the delicious treat in the garbage. This cat has a weight problem. We’ve been meaning to say something for a while now.
6. Rinse your little guy off and dry him with towel, making sure to get his ears.
7. Rinse your cat off, give him a good blow dry, and voila! Not only is your cat sparkling clean… he’s also really pissed.