Tuesday, May 31, 2011

What Is Grandpa Cornrows Doing On That Computer?

  • Searching for porn
  • Searching for porn
  • Searching for porn
  • Searching for porn
  • Researching a local murder because he “just wants to, goddamit! Why won’t anyone let me live my life? I’m seventy-two years old. I’ve seen three wars. Love. Life. Death. Beginnings. Ends. My own children. My children’s children. Two bypasses. Now I’m just taking a vested interest in local history, and suddenly I’m a senile old coot! All it means is that I’m looking to expand my mind. Some people choose adult education. I choose searching for microfiche rolls detailing gruesome deaths near my own damn house. What is so wrong with that? Let me live, Louise!” 
  • Searching for porn..




Friday, May 27, 2011

When Obama Royally Screws Up, The Queen Makes Hilarious Faces

President Obama's Tour of duhs through the UK and Ireland made a stop at another duh last night during a royal banquet at the Queen's house. Obama's first duh came when his limo "The Beast" broke down in Dublin and his second came when he revealed that he's a time traveler by writing the wrong date in the guest book at Westminster Abbey. And last night, Obama talked over the national anthem, which is a no no and will earn you a slap to the mouth. To put things into perspective, this is the fancy equivalent of talking during your grandma's stories.

On The View this morning, they said that Obama also broke protocol by touching his glass before Her Majesty the Queen touched hers. Buckingham Palace hasn't seen a moment as awkward as this since Prince Charles kissed Princess Diana on the balcony.

Diamond crown or not, the Queen is still a grandma and her natural instincts are to throw an "I got your number, hussy!" look when somebody acts backwards in her presence. Camilla was secretly sighing with relief on the inside, because up until last night she was the only one who was the recipient of one of the Queen's "fire up the guillotine" eyes.

Si Obama na ang Squammy.. hehe :P

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Ultimate Scotty McCreepy Gif Wall

While he’ll never be our “Scotty The Body,” his vocals have been consistently solid… however, they’ve been accompanied by the most contrived, goofiest, hide-your-kids, hide-your-wives facial expressions to ever land on the American Idol stage. And the way he handles that mic… it’s borderline pornographic. Congrats Scotty Baby! :)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I therefore conclude: Beyonce Is The Greatest PowerPoint Presentation Presenter Of All Time

After Stevie Wonder, Michelle Obama, Barbra Streisand, Basement Baby, Tina Knowles and Babyface slathered words of praise all over Beyonce's House of Derriere, she gave the greatest performance of the worst song of the night at the Billboard Music Awards. 

Now, I don't think Beyonce should run the world, but she should definitely run every PowerPoint presentation.:D

Video courtesy of youtube.com

It's The Muppets Trailer!

If you went to see Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Care Bears (Why isn't that a real movie?) this weekend then it's more than likely that you watched the sneaky teaser trailer for the new Muppets movie. The trailer starts off as looking like another horribly shitty romantic comedy called Green With Envy that should star Kate Hudson and Ashton Kutcher instead (headline from the future: Kate Hudson and Ashton Kutcher sign on to Green with Envy) but then it gets hijacked by Muppets.

It's a little too soon to know how I truly feel about this, but my first comment is: Why does Miss Piggy have bangs again?! I prefer my Miss Piggy bang-less. Oh, well. Bitch probably got sick of Xtina stealing her look so she decided to do something different. Xtina will undoubtedly have bangs again next week.


Hot Slut Of The Day!

An ad firm (FIRM! high five already!) in The Netherlands produced this series of ads for an available advertising sign, with this man threatening to strip down more each day until someone buys the advertising space:

If You Don’t Buy Ad Space, This Guy Will Get Naked

Kind of brilliant, right? So who’s gonna step up before we see this dude’s beef whistle?


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Oh, Wait. Rapture Is Actually Oct. 21

Harold Camping's new favorite phrase: Better late than never. The California preacher has an easy explanation for why the rapture never came to pass on Saturday: He was five months off. Duh! The actual rapture will be Oct. 21. He had originally said that was the day on which the planet would be consumed by a fireball. It turns out Saturday was "an invisible judgment day" in which a spiritual judgment took place, he said. But the timing and the structure is the same as it has always been, Camping added in a statement to the press tonight. 

"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning," he explained. "May 21 is the day that Christ came and put the world under judgment." He added that he felt so horrible when his doomsday prediction did not come true that he left home and took refuge in a motel with his wife. AP notes that this is the second time he hasn't gotten it right; Camping previously predicted the Apocalypse would come in 1994, but said it didn't happen then because of a mathematical error.

Ayun naman pala.. Buti naman at namove ang date :P


Amaya Teaser (Before and After)

First teaser looks Bad Ass..

Second Teaser looks like an epicPORNserye

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Monday, May 23, 2011

Give Yourself a Scalp Massage

Is there anything more relaxing than a scalp massage? I always feel so much calmer and more relaxed after I get one at the salon. But, did you know that a good scalp rub may actually have health benefits? Health experts believe that scalp massage can help release serotonin (the feel-good hormone) into your body, helping boost your mood and even relieve pain. It is believed to promote happiness, calmness and general well-being.

Here's how to give yourself your own scalp massage: Spread your fingers on both hands and run them through your hair, beginning behind your ears and circulate, sort of like you're shampooing your hair. Pay special attention to the base of your head and neck, where a lot of people hold tension. Be sure to use good pressure, too. Feel better now?:)


Pacquiao says yes to 'Glee' guesting

Parang ayokong makita ang araw na ito:P

Boxing champion Rep. Manny Pacquiao said that he is open to the idea of appearing in the hit TV show "Glee" as a guest.  In an interview with ABS-CBN News reporter Gretchen Fullido, Pacquiao admitted that he was invited to guest on Glee but had yet to receive confirmation about the offer. Pacquiao, who counts singing as one of his many passions, said he wants to guest on the musical show. Even Pacquiao's wife, Jinkee, and friend, Ilocos Sur Gov. Chavit Singson, are all in favor of Pacquiao's Glee guesting. 
 duet with Lea Michelle?

Reports of Pacquiao's guesting on US hit series started after one of the show's cast Darren Criss shared his dream to work with the boxing champion.


Pug Conga

Meet The Pug Brothers! Uh huh! Cuteness to the next level! They’re two pugs who have a very special talent. That talent being: Conga lining. Getting married? Why not kick off the celebration with a PUG CONGA LINE. And now, the Pug Conga GIF you never knew you needed:)
Video courtesy of youtube.com

Friday, May 20, 2011

Everybody panic! We only have hours left on earth!


This isn’t simply Judgment Day for Arnold Schwarzenneger and his marital transgressions. Our own Judgment Day is upon us: Family Radio, a non-denominational Christian radio station, is predicting the end of the world for this Saturday, May 21. 

The date is supposedly based on careful study of the Bible by the station’s founder, Harold Camping, who uses a very…well, interesting mathematical formula to come up with his date.

The imminent judgment day is part of a pretty fringe non-denominational message that Camping spreads. The radio station also has lately started advocating that the “Church age is over” and that Satan is now ruling all churches. He suggests that no one remaining inside a church at the time of the rapture can be “saved.”
Family Radio is based out of Oakland, CA but they have 66 stations all across the country as well as a half dozen in different countries around the world. The station was founded in 1958 and managed to stay around this whole time. Despite their fringe positions they still manage yearly revenues in the millions of dollars, mostly through listener donations.

So what’s the exact reasoning that led Camping to the date? According to an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle (we’re sorry in advance if this makes your head hurt):
The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011. “Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”
Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.
Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.
Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.
Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.
“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.
So there you have it. Irrefutable proof that the world is going to end.
Never mind that the April 1, 33 A.D. for Jesus’ crucifixion doesn’t actually have any biblical basis, and never mind that the numbers 5, 10 and 17 are basically just being pulled out of nowhere. This questionable math hasn’t stopped the station’s hosts from embracing the date wholeheartedly or stopping tens of thousands of listeners from tuning in to hear the news.

The slightly more frightening thing is that Family Radio doesn’t seem to be trying to get anything out of this other then attention and listeners. They aren’t doing any sort of fundraising drive to accompany their doomsday prediction. If it’s a PR stunt, it’s a pretty bad one — all of their attention dries up next week if the world doesn’t end. That leaves what, for us, is a much scarier concept: that they actually believe what they’re selling.

This isn’t the first time Camping has predicted the end of the world either. He said the world was going to end for the first time on Sept. 6, 1994 and promoted the date for several years beforehand. On the fateful day, Camping and his followers gathered in the Veteran’s Memorial Center in Alameda, California, dressed in their Sunday best with Bibles open and facing the heavens. When the end didn’t come, Camping said something about a math error and started running new calculations. Eventually he came up with the new date.
It’s a pretty unsettling fact of religion that someone always seems to have the need to preach about the end times. In the last decade alone we’ve seen at least a dozen different crazies claim that the end was just around the corner. Turns out, the world is still here.

This is probably just another crazy preacher trying to get more attention with drastic claims, and there’s not going to be much harm to anything other then the man’s credibility. Either way, if we’re all still around, we’re going to be pretty interested in seeing what Family Radio will be airing on May 22.


Si Jollibee ang ultimate na Squammy

Gusto ko mag-apply na mascot.. Hehe. Go Jabee!

Jollibee Dances to BEP’s “My Humps”

Jolibee Dances to Pump it! Rock it!

Jollibe and KFC Chicken Dance Showdown to “Nobody” by Wondergirls

Jollibe Dances to Nobody

Jollibee and Hetti Dance Showdown in “So Sexy”


White Castle Girl Sinipa ng Kabayo

I felt sorry for the girl but one couldn’t help but laugh since it looks like straight out of slapstick movie :P

Titanic 3-D Gets A Release Date

James Cameron’s 3-D rerelease of Titanic has gotten an official release date: April 6, 2012, the exact one-hundredth anniversary of the ship’s maiden voyage. And really, what better way to honor those unfortunate souls in their watery graves than by adding the illusion of depth to a movie everyone saw 15 years ago:

Subject: I love you

Jericho Rosales stars in his very first international film. Not exactly hollywood but just dipping in his toes for something much bigger.The movie is about a guy who was in love with an American girl who left him. The poor guy was so devastated that he decided to make and spread a damaging virus to get her attention. So destructive that it shuts down the network systems at the Pentagon and the CIA. Not only did he get her attention but the whole world as well and some crime syndicates.

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Prince William And Kate Middleton Imagined As Elderly People

Using forensic computer technology and that face melty thing from the movie Minority Report, “scientists” (stoners) have discovered what Prince William and his wife Kate Middleton will look like when they are just about 60 years old. Cute ;)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Kilig Much: A "real life" Proposal

Who says grand gestures are dead? Check out what might be the best marriage proposal you’ll see all year.  

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Squammy Seiko Wallet

new seiko wallet ad
After several years of marketing hiatus, Seiko wallet finally made its presence known with their new funny tv ad. I really loled at the part where Ramon Bautista passionately rubs the soap on Guji’s armpits. It was sooo random! Gotta love the director’s hilarious sense of humor.
It’s famous tagline in the 80′s is: Seiko seiko wallet ang wallet na maswerti, balat nito ay geenyuwayn, international pa ang mga design.


Video Courtesy of youtube.com

Bagets by TV 5

bagets remake-tv 5
Check out the new bagets tv series by TV 5! Featuring the freshest faces the network has to offer. Honestly, I’m not so enthusiastic on the tv show. The casts looks like some random people that were picked up on the streets. Come on, look at their clothes, it doesn’t make them look like trend setters like the original bagets should be. Did their stylist walked right into an ukay-ukay shop? They even threw in a token “chinito” guy, possibly to attract koreanovela fans ugh! My advice toTV 5 producers, there’s so many talents in star magic that’s waiting for some projects. It wouldn’t hurt investing a bit of cash to make the show more palatable. Having shoddy looking casts and stylists isn’t good for the fledgling network’s reputation.


Angry Birds And Adele, Together At Last

The Key Of Awesome knew it was high time to capitalize on both things, since Adele has been at number one on the charts forever and Angry Birds are going to start replacing real birds (here’s hoping!).

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

GIRD YOUR LOINS: The New True Blood Teaser Is Here

Here’s the teaser for the next season of True Blood, premiering June 26th on HBO. What can fans expect on this fourth season? Well, there’s the customary neck-biting scene, requisite orgasm scene, the obligatory “Serious Speaking in Southern Drawl” scene, and the “Wait, why is Anna Paquin talking like that? Where is she from?” scene. But now it looks like they’re going to add witches into the whole mix! So that’ll be fun. Oh also?
Alexander Skarsgård
No font is big enough for this man. Frankly, I don’t even watch True Blood, but I have a feeling this will be the most powerful 30 seconds some of you out there will experience today.

Video courtesy of youtube.com

Monday, May 16, 2011


i couldn't find the right words to write for this post probably because i am overly excited to share this with everyone. so allow me to just add a few more notes to "TUNAY NA SQUAMMY"

"Si Marian Rivera ay tunay na squammy. In fact, siya ang reyna ng mga squammy. Lahat lahat ng nalalaman o nababalitaan natin tungkol kay Marian, whether or not totoo or chismis lang, ay sumasabuhay din sa kung ano ba talaga ang isang tunay na squammy."

"Si Rufa Mae Quinto ay isa ring tunay na squammy."
"Ang tunay na squammy ay napanood o gustong panoorin ang original version ng pelikula ni *Joey Gosiengfiao (* kamag-anak ko ba siya? gosingfiao din kasi ako e) na Temptation Island."
"Ang tunay na squammy ay manonood ng GMA films remake ng Temptation Island starring ang reyna ng squammy, Marian Rivera."

Meanwhile the original 1981 Temptation Island remains timeless despite it being tagged as campy film.  The “Walang Tubig, Walang Kuryente” scene had me rolling with laughter.

Videos courtesy of youtube.com

Thursday, May 12, 2011

This Guy Is *Kinda* Excited to Meet the President

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new meme. Some guy met President Obama and went all Jim Jay Bullock on him, extending his wrist like the regal thing he is, while also giving his best OMFGGGFace
The photo was taken at a Democratic National Commitee event in Austin, Texas, on Tuesday, where this guy even slide his glasses up onto his head so that he could get a look at our handsome Prez. In the words of the fallen Manila Luzon, “Girl, WERK!”

Neil Patrick Harris Reclaims Tonys

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s finally happening. After a lackluster showing by Sean Hayes last year, this year’s Tony Awards will be hosted by Neil Patrick Harris.

I’ve waited two years for this. Never Forget 2009:p

Here are the nominees for this year:

Best Play
Good PeopleAuthor: David Lindsay-Abaire
JerusalemAuthor: Jez Butterworth
The Motherf**ker with the HatAuthor: Stephen Adly Guirgis
War HorseAuthor: Nick Stafford

Best Musical
The Book of Mormon
Catch Me If You Can
The Scottsboro Boys
Sister Act

Best Book of a Musical
Bloody Bloody Andrew JacksonAlex Timbers
The Book of MormonTrey Parker, Robert Lopez and Matt Stone
The Scottsboro BoysDavid Thompson
Sister ActCheri Steinkellner, Bill Steinkellner and Douglas Carter Beane

Best Original Score (Music and/or Lyrics) Written for the Theatre
The Book of MormonMusic & Lyrics: Trey Parker, Robert Lopez and Matt Stone
The Scottsboro BoysMusic & Lyrics: John Kander & Fred Ebb
Sister ActMusic: Alan Menken
Lyrics: Glenn Slater
Women on the Verge of a Nervous BreakdownMusic & Lyrics: David Yazbek

Best Revival of a Play
The Importance of Being Earnest
The Merchant of Venice
The Normal Heart

Best Revival of a Musical
Anything Goes
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Play
Brian BedfordThe Importance of Being Earnest
Bobby CannavaleThe Motherf**ker with the Hat
Joe MantelloThe Normal Heart
Al PacinoThe Merchant of Venice
Mark RylanceJerusalem

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Play
Nina AriandaBorn Yesterday
Frances McDormandGood People
Lily RabeThe Merchant of Venice
Vanessa RedgraveDriving Miss Daisy
Hannah YellandBrief Encounter

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical
Norbert Leo ButzCatch Me If You Can
Josh GadThe Book of Mormon
Joshua HenryThe Scottsboro Boys
Andrew RannellsThe Book of Mormon
Tony SheldonPriscilla Queen of the Desert

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical
Sutton FosterAnything Goes
Beth LeavelBaby It's You!
Patina MillerSister Act
Donna MurphyThe People in the Picture

Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Play
Mackenzie CrookJerusalem
Billy CrudupArcadia
John Benjamin HickeyThe Normal Heart
Arian MoayedBengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo
Yul VázquezThe Motherf**ker with the Hat

Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Play
Ellen BarkinThe Normal Heart
Edie FalcoThe House of Blue Leaves
Judith LightLombardi
Joanna LumleyLa Bête
Elizabeth RodriguezThe Motherf**ker with the Hat

Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical
Colman DomingoThe Scottsboro Boys
Adam GodleyAnything Goes
John LarroquetteHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Forrest McClendonThe Scottsboro Boys
Rory O'MalleyThe Book of Mormon

Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical
Laura BenantiWomen on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
Tammy BlanchardHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Victoria ClarkSister Act
Nikki M. JamesThe Book of Mormon
Patti LuPoneWomen on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Best Direction of a Play
Marianne Elliott and Tom MorrisWar Horse
Joel Grey & George C. WolfeThe Normal Heart
Anna D. ShapiroThe Motherf**ker with the Hat
Daniel SullivanThe Merchant of Venice

Best Direction of a Musical
Rob AshfordHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Kathleen MarshallAnything Goes
Casey Nicholaw and Trey ParkerThe Book of Mormon
Susan StromanThe Scottsboro Boys

Best Choreography
Rob AshfordHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Kathleen MarshallAnything Goes
Casey NicholawThe Book of Mormon
Susan StromanThe Scottsboro Boys

Best Orchestrations
Doug BestermanHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Larry HochmanThe Scottsboro Boys
Larry Hochman & Stephen OremusThe Book of Mormon
Marc Shaiman & Larry BlankCatch Me If You Can

Best Scenic Design of a Play
Todd RosenthalThe Motherf**ker with the Hat
Rae SmithWar Horse
Mark WendlandThe Merchant of Venice

Best Scenic Design of a Musical
Beowulf BorittThe Scottsboro Boys
Derek McLaneAnything Goes
Scott PaskThe Book of Mormon
Donyale WerleBloody Bloody Andrew Jackson

Best Costume Design of a Play
Jess GoldsteinThe Merchant of Venice
Desmond HeeleyThe Importance of Being Earnest
Mark ThompsonLa Bête
Catherine ZuberBorn Yesterday

Best Costume Design of a Musical
Tim Chappel & Lizzy GardinerPriscilla Queen of the Desert
Martin PakledinazAnything Goes
Ann RothThe Book of Mormon
Catherine ZuberHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Best Lighting Design of a Play
Paule ConstableWar Horse
David LanderBengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo
Kenneth PosnerThe Merchant of Venice
Mimi Jordan SherinJerusalem

Best Lighting Design of a Musical
Ken BillingtonThe Scottsboro Boys
Howell BinkleyHow to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
Peter KaczorowskiAnything Goes
Brian MacDevittThe Book of Mormon

Best Sound Design of a Play
Acme Sound Partners and Cricket S. MyersBengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo
Simon BakerBrief Encounter
Ian Dickinson for AutographJerusalem
Christopher ShuttWar Horse

Best Sound Design of a Musical
Peter HylenskiThe Scottsboro Boys
Steve Canyon KennedyCatch Me If You Can
Brian RonanAnything Goes
Brian RonanThe Book of Mormon

Special Tony Award® for Lifetime Achievement in the Theatre
Athol Fugard
Philip J. Smith

Regional Theatre Tony Award®
Lookingglass Theatre Company (Chicago, Ill.)

Isabelle Stevenson Award
Eve Ensler

Special Tony Award
Handspring Puppet Company

Tony Honors for Excellence in the Theatre
William Berloni
The Drama Book Shop
Sharon Jensen and Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts

The Tony Awards will be broadcast in a live three-hour ceremony on the CBS television network on Sunday, June 12, 2011. I’m off to hibernate for a month. See you then!