Friday, March 23, 2012

Newborn Puppy Born Barely Bigger Than A Sneeze

(I think it’s alive.)
When a puppy flies out of his mother’s canal at 88 nanometers per second and is the same size as a half dollar, well, you better believe you’re gonna name that son of a bitch Miracle. (If this were my puppy, I’d then put him in a tiiiiiiiny skating rink and call it the Miracle on Ice! But I am an idiot and also digress.)

Miracle is half Jack Russell, half Chihuahua, and allllll electron-sized, as he weighed only 1.5 ounces when born and measured 3 inches. For comparison’s sake, he is the exact size and weight of a jalapeño popper. And he can barely stand upright because he is negative years old!

I mean, even the coin has it in her to stand upright.
Ayayay they have to feed him with a pen barrel. Unless they’re stuffing it with cream cheese to turn Miracle into a literal jalepeno popper. Actually a genius idea, good on them.
I give the dog 4 days before he’s “Lenny’d” to death.

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