5. The Star Wars Attire. Obi-Wan Day More Kenobi over here.
4. The Location Of The Dog Waste Bin. Hugh Jackman is arguably the biggest star this movie has, now that Taylor Swift is out of the picture. (lol?) So excuse me if I seem inappropriately outraged but HOW DARE THEY put the doggie sh*t basket so close to the door of our dear Hugh?
3. Uggs. Now, I’m no Les Mis expert but, if memory serves, I don’t belieeeeve Jean Valjean’s feet have ever know the sheepskin luxury that is the inside of a man’s Ugg boot. Am I wrong? Because if I am, and he does show up on stage to face off with Javert while looking like a University of Arizona sophomore, then by all means, let me know.
2. The Hair. Very Arcade Fire. Not the mangled homeless hay patch it should be.
1. The Coffee. If only the real fictional Jean Valjean could have dipped even just a piece of his stale stolen bread in a Starbucks skim cappu, the story would have been completely different. (“I Creamed A Cream,” “Bring Him Foam,” etc.)