Charlie Harper Dies Tragic Death

TMZ reports that Two And A Half Men will kill off Charlie Sheen’s Charlie Harper character next season, thus eliminating any chance of the character’s eventual return (barring an Arthur 2 ghost-butler scenario).

Since I’d be more than happy to help accelerate this show’s impending demise, here’s a list of 8 Simple Ways For Two And Half Men To Kill Off Charlie Sheen. The scenarios borrow SLIGHTLY from past sitcom lore, but that hasn’t stopped this show before, so any of these should work perfectly.

1. Charlie Dies While Bungee Jumping, a la Fresh Prince

Charlie’s all like, “Hey I’m gonna go bungee jumping to impress this one chick” and Jon Cryer’s like “you can’t even SPELL ‘bungee’” then this happens (click the pic to play):

Boom. Done. Ashton enters in the next scene and is like “I’m here now!”

2. Charlie’s Plane Gets Shot Down Over The Sea Of Japan

Charlie’s like “Hey I’m gonna go fly over the Sea of Japan to see this awesome chick” and Jon Cryer’s like “Wouldn’t be the highest you’ve ever been!” and the crowd laughs then later Ashton Kutcher walks in with this news:

3. Charlie Dies Licking Cheap Envelopes

Charlie’s like “I’m gonna mail all these cheap envelopes to these hot chicks!” and Jon Cryer’s like “Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve used your tongue for somethingerother or whatever!” then Charlie is rushed to the hospital and Ashton Kutcher breaks this news:

4. Charlie’s Death Is Explained To Big Bird

Charlie dies offscreen and Jon Cryer uses the incident as a way to explain death to all the Half Men:

5. Charlie Gets Mauled By Phonics Monkey

The Half Man is studying for a spelling bee so he gets a Phonics Monkey then Charlie comes in and he’s like “whoa is that monkey actually a hot chick?” and then this happens:

Hooked on Monkey Fonics
Tags: SOUTH
PARK more…

6. Toonces Drives Charlie Off A Cliff

Charlie’s like “Hey Toonces, drive me over to that LAYDAYYY’S place because I know about pussy…CATS!” and then this happens:

7. Charlie Gets Thrown From A Horse

Charlie and Jon Cryer are riding horses and Charlie sees a hot chick on a horse and tries to impress her by jumping over a log and Jon Cryer’s like “Your HEAD’S a log” but then this happens (click the pic to play):

8. Charlie Returns To His Home Planet

Actually, we already know how this series has to end..

http://www.tmz.com