A Valuable Wedding Lesson, Courtesy of Levi Johnston (Yes, Bristol Palin's Ex!) Who Just Married His Other Baby Mama. (No, Seriously. There's a VERY Important Lesson Here!)

Normally Levi Johnston's wedding news wouldn't be Save the Date-worthy { yes, I do have SOME standards! } but I there's an important lesson to learn from his nuptials! (For reals!)

Levi and Sunny Oglesby—who welcomed daughter Breeze Beretta Johnston last month—tied the knot in Wasilla, Alaska, yesterday. And TMZ got their hands on their wedding invitation, which made me cringe.

Source: tmz.com via Kimberly on Pinterest

Famalies? Join Marriage?
Here is your valuable lesson: READ your wedding invitation proof before you have it printed. Have your mom read it. Have your guy's mom read it. Ask your smartest friends and any English teachers you know to read it. Depending on the format, you can't always spell-check a wedding invitation, but if you can, spell-check your invitation. (Obviously spell-check wouldn't have caught the "Join Marriage" boo-boo, but at least there only would have been one glaring grammatical error on their wedding invitation.)

Woman Turns Down $1 Million Offer To Do Porn

Hazel Jones, a U.K. woman diagnosed with ‘uterus didelphys’ – a condition where she has two wombs and two cervixes – has turned down a $1 million offer from Vivid Entertainment to star in her own porn movie. Or to put it another way, the only remaining porn movie that hasn’t already been made 7 trillion times will continue to not be made, at least for a little while.

According to Ms. Jones, don’t print up those Double Indemnity porn parody posters just yet:

According to This Morning, she said: ‘I have never received any offers of this kind of work nor would I never consider doing it in a million years.
‘I just want to be left alone.’

Hear hear! A very admirable stance, especially because now we won’t have to come across a link to that porn and spend forty-five minutes pre-justifying to ourselves why we have to click on it, then we watch it and realize nothing affects us anymore and the internet has hollowed us out indefinitely and there’s no reason to go on living then we watch a Parks & Rec and go back to normal.

The best part of the article, though, is this comment from CEO of Vivid Entertainment Steven Hirsch:
Via TMZ:

Hirsch also promised to cover travel and accommodation expenses, as the film would be shot in Los Angeles.
Hirsch wrote: ‘We would fly you out to L.A. as soon as you are available and provide you with first class accommodations’

That changes everything! Jones wasn’t nervous because her specific medical condition would be sexually exploited and splattered all over the internet, she was nervous because she didn’t want to pay her own travel expenses. Now that they’re covered, FILM AWAY!

“What should we start with? The Mirror Has Two Vaginas?”

Charlie Harper Dies Tragic Death

TMZ reports that Two And A Half Men will kill off Charlie Sheen’s Charlie Harper character next season, thus eliminating any chance of the character’s eventual return (barring an Arthur 2 ghost-butler scenario).

Since I’d be more than happy to help accelerate this show’s impending demise, here’s a list of 8 Simple Ways For Two And Half Men To Kill Off Charlie Sheen. The scenarios borrow SLIGHTLY from past sitcom lore, but that hasn’t stopped this show before, so any of these should work perfectly.

1. Charlie Dies While Bungee Jumping, a la Fresh Prince

Charlie’s all like, “Hey I’m gonna go bungee jumping to impress this one chick” and Jon Cryer’s like “you can’t even SPELL ‘bungee’” then this happens (click the pic to play):

Boom. Done. Ashton enters in the next scene and is like “I’m here now!”

2. Charlie’s Plane Gets Shot Down Over The Sea Of Japan

Charlie’s like “Hey I’m gonna go fly over the Sea of Japan to see this awesome chick” and Jon Cryer’s like “Wouldn’t be the highest you’ve ever been!” and the crowd laughs then later Ashton Kutcher walks in with this news:

3. Charlie Dies Licking Cheap Envelopes

Charlie’s like “I’m gonna mail all these cheap envelopes to these hot chicks!” and Jon Cryer’s like “Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve used your tongue for somethingerother or whatever!” then Charlie is rushed to the hospital and Ashton Kutcher breaks this news:

4. Charlie’s Death Is Explained To Big Bird

Charlie dies offscreen and Jon Cryer uses the incident as a way to explain death to all the Half Men:

5. Charlie Gets Mauled By Phonics Monkey

The Half Man is studying for a spelling bee so he gets a Phonics Monkey then Charlie comes in and he’s like “whoa is that monkey actually a hot chick?” and then this happens:

Hooked on Monkey Fonics
Tags: SOUTH
PARK more…

6. Toonces Drives Charlie Off A Cliff

Charlie’s like “Hey Toonces, drive me over to that LAYDAYYY’S place because I know about pussy…CATS!” and then this happens:

7. Charlie Gets Thrown From A Horse

Charlie and Jon Cryer are riding horses and Charlie sees a hot chick on a horse and tries to impress her by jumping over a log and Jon Cryer’s like “Your HEAD’S a log” but then this happens (click the pic to play):

8. Charlie Returns To His Home Planet

Actually, we already know how this series has to end..

http://www.tmz.com

Justin Bieber Throws Up During Concert

Biebers: They’re just like us! Us non-Elven-godchildren totally throw up all the time too, especially when we’re performing our regular, run-of-the-mill karate-kick-filled pop shows in The Philippines!

Justin Bieber was so sick last night at his show in the Philippines, TMZ has learned, the singer repeatedly took breaks during his set to run backstage…and barf his brains out.
Sources close to Bieber tell TMZ, JB came down with some kind of chest infection last week — and when he hit the stage last night in Manila … the wooziness was way too much to handle.
Gotta give the kid props — in fact, just before his concert last night, he tweeted, “Sick as a dog … But the show must go on.” – TMZ

Consummate showman, that Biebs — no Filipino water-plague is gonna keep him from giving his fans their “Eenie Meenie Miny Moe Lover.” Nor should it: THIS IS AMERICA. Wait no, it’s the Philippines, I just said that. But he’s FROM America. Wait, no. Let’s just say, “Good job slugger!” We can call Justin Bieber “Slugger,” right? Cause he like, slugs those pop tunes out? Cool.

http://www.tmz.com