Sunday, October 28, 2012

Movie Moments That Still Scare The Crap Out Of Us

It’s Halloween season, the time of year when we watch all of those super scary movies that guarantee we sleep with the light on til Christmas. But not all horror flicks have blood and guts. Some of them are right there in the kid’s section next to the Yo Gabba Gabba DVDs! Yes, the most terrifying things we have ever seen have come directly from movies we saw as little kids. No matter how many decades go by, we will never be ready for these G-rated terrors!
We’re older now and more mature, and finally able to come out from under our blankeys and stand up for ourselves. So now we’d like to say what we’ve been meaning to say to the makers of these films for years: What the f–, you guys!? We were kids for god’s sake, and we trusted you to make light and entertaining movies for us. What the hell we you doing tricking us into watching this stuff!? Jerks. Check out these 12 scariest kid’s movie scenes of all time. Come on, do it. It’s all part of the healing process.

12. Willy Wonka Takes A (Boat) Trip
Jeez, did Wonka lace the candy with LSD? What the hell was in that mushroom? All we know is that the slug moving across the person’s face is probably the only thing in this movie more unsettling than Oompa Loompas.

11. Dead Woodland Creatures In Once Upon A Forest

It’s never to early to learn that people suck! This is the first appearance of a “humans destroy idyllic nature paradise” movie on this list, but this one’s a doozy. It actually shows the very cute and very dead woodland creatures that were gassed by man. Too real, you guys.

10. The Rat In The Baby’s Room From Lady And The Tramp
We watched this scene again recently and kind of don’t get what the big fuss was about. Sure, it’s probably not great to have a rat close to a baby. But this movie made it seem like the end of the damn world. 

 ”Can’t sleep, the rats will get me…”

9. The Child Catcher In Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
This photo explains everything.

8. Bruce Bogtrotter Takes The Cake In Matilda
Included this scene because of the bit (1:53) where the super terrifying Miss Trunchbull says that the chef’s “sweat and blood went into this cake.” We didn’t know that was just an expression, and thought she was forcing Bruce to eat an entire cake literally containing sweat and blood. It was years before this misconception was cleared up, but it spoils chocolate cake for us to this day.

7. Judge Doom Gets The Dip In Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
OK, this one might have been our dad’s fault for renting it for us when we were 5. “Oh, it’s got cartoons, it has to be wholesome and sweet, right?” Wrong. So very wrong.

6. E.T. – All Of It
Steven Spielberg somehow managed to con millions of movie-goers into thinking that this was cute back in 1982. We’re still wondering how he managed to do that.

5. Little Nemo Has A Nightmare
It started off as the happiest scene in the world. Nemo discovered he’s the long lost prince of some magical dream realm with some king that looks like Santa. He is waited on hand and foot and gets to rule alongside a super cute princess. Then he opens some damn door and eff’s everything up.
And don’t even get us started on this freak.

4. Pinocchio Acts Like A Jackass
We don’t want to pick on Disney, because that would be mean…and because they seem like the type to sue. But this scene from Pinocchio is beyond comprehension. Not only did this scene make us want to never drink or smoke, it also made us petrified of playing pool.

3. The Clown From The Brave Little Toaster
From the vacuum cleaner trying to off himself by sucking up his own cord, to that electronics store creep, pretty much all of The Brave Little Toaster is not very kid friendly. But this nightmare scene has haunted our dreams ever since.
Also, bonus points for the paranoid malfunctioning A/C:

2. Hexxus The Destroyer Of Fern Gully
Tim Curry revamped his Dr. Frankenfurter voice to be Hexxus, the embodiment of pollution. Watching this now, we can’t exactly put our finger on why this freaks us out so much, but it remains one of the scariest movies from our childhood.

1. Artax The Horse Drowns In The Neverending Story
The classic, gold standard moment for kid’s movies that traumatized ’80s babies. Sure he comes back at the end of the film, but by then it was too late to salvage our lost childhoods.

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