Thursday, August 30, 2012

Things GUYS Always Do in Movies and Never Do in Real Life

Though I suspect that the male gender's collective pulse doesn't get too heated over being represented right in chick flicks, I think we, as lifelong fans of men, can safely say there's some stuff they just. Don't. Do.

Without further ado... here are some things I've pretty much only seen two-dimensional men do.

Have access to their apartment building roof and a no-shame flair for twinkle-light stringing.
Give each other tips on dancing, flirting, and kissing.
Make denying that love even exists their "thing."
Make bets that involve convincing women to fall in love with them.
This conceit involves many things men aren't fans of: making women angry, apologizing, losing bets, large restaurant bills, and above all, extra effort.
Have Buddha-like patience when the woman they love does something all-out crazy, such as throwing food around your apartment and turning up your stereo for no good reason.
Get over being cheated on superfast--especially in high-stakes scenarios.
With all due respect to The Wedding Date, a guy going through with the wedding when he's learned about infidelity during the prelude music? I kinda doubt it.
Fall in love with women wearing masks.
I mean, masks just make people uncomfortable. Nine guys out of ten choose the woman not wearing a mask every time. Because MASKS ARE WEIRD. So don't let Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray trip you up. It's not a good idea to wear a mask.
Wait for women for hours on their doorstep.
A simple "u home?" text usually clears things up nicely.
Run after women.
Run after women through airports.
This one's just prohibited by law.
Let girls make a whole speech in the doorway, then open the door to reveal the other girl they're making out with.
I don't think it's that hard. Either come outside right away, or don't open the door at all.
Remember special dates and return to special places per the terms of an agreement forged years ago on one magical night.

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