Chanel Found A Way To Make Their Brad Pitt Ads Even Weirder

THE HELL is all of this? I've never EVER wanted to buy a bottle of Chanel No. 5, but I might now (thanks to Papa Brad), because it's obvious who ever was in charge of making this wreck freebased that stankness for inspiration and I want to be that buzzed.

Brad Pitt’s Teaser Video For Chanel Is Kind Of Lame

C’mon, Chanel, why you gotta play us like that? Almost five months ago to the day, Chanel released the news that Brad Pitt was going to be starring in their forthcoming campaign for the classic, cult 91-year-old perfume, Chanel No. 5. Couldn’t believe it because this is a women’s perfume, and it really is a pretty forward-thinking decision to have an actor take the helm to shill the fragrance. But the statement said it all, reading, “Chanel has selected world renowned actor Brad Pitt to be the face of the upcoming advertising campaign for Chanel No. 5.” Cue brain exploding. And then it got better. The commercial has been shot by director Joe Wright, who also shot this incredibly sexy short film starring Keira Knightley for Chanel. Andrea d’Avack, the president of Chanel Fragrance & Beauty revealed that, “this dynamic, modern campaign will make people think in a completely different way about No.5.” Of the actual campaign, he said, “It is the first time we’ve had a man speaking about a women’s fragrance. We think very much that the perfume is a seduction between a man, a woman and the perfume …”

And THEN, Chanel released a teaser video, which I clicked on and watched in breathless anticipation. Only to have my bubble burst rudely. Call this a teaser, Chanel? You can’t see his face. It’s seven seconds long. And all it has is Brad’s (gravelly, sexy) voice saying, “Are you going somewhere? Where?” That’s it. That’s all we get. Which is nothing but — lame, lame, LAME.

Meet the other Pitt

Now Brad Pitt isn't the only Pitt with a foreign endorsement deal. Virgin Mobile Australia hired Brad's brother Doug Pitt to star in a new campaign that will give him a taste of his brother's lifestyle. Um. Doug gets a taste of Brad's lifestyle every year when he's flown on a private jet to Brangelina's French chateau to eat Chicken McNuggets with the child army in the private McDonald's Angie had built in the basement. But seriously, I don't know if Doug is turning up the dork all the way for show, but damn he's like equal parts Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, Brad in Burn Before Reading and every white suburban dad I've ever met. What I'm saying is that he's my new favorite Pitt.

But still, am I really supposed to feel sorry for Doug?  Doug has better fashion sense than Brad and if that's really his house, then he's living it up in a McMansion in a fancy ass neighborhood. Doug's chonies probably smell like the potpourri sash his wife leaves in his underwear drawer and that is called LIVING THE DREAM. Doug is doing better than fine. Come on, Virgin Mobile Australia, where's the "Meet Solange Knowles" campaign?

Good News: Brad Pitt Was All Of Us In High School

Us Weekly just uncovered this amazing photo of Brad Pitt at age 14 on his basketball team “The Rejects”, basically looking exactly like everyone who has ever had a photo of them taken in high school:



It’s highly encouraging to know that no matter what paths we end up going down, be it “Charismatic Movie Star And Humanitarian” or “Childless Parental-Aged Person Who Watches 4 Chopped Episodes After Declaring He’s Going To Bed And Thus Is Perpetually Tired,” we’re all cut from the same awkward high-school cloth. 

Just remember, First Rule of Brad Pitt’s High School Photo: Do NOT talk about Chess Club!
(And you thought ‘Don’t Talk about Fight Club’ jokes were finally dead. Then BOOM! An average one.)

Brad Pitt's hair looks almost Fabio-ian on the cover of W Magazine

..Or maybe it looks almost JodieFoster-ian? What yah think?