The Greatest Holiday Movies of All Time

I'm not the biggest holiday person in the world,  I'm listening to Christmas music on the regular—and catching up on my favorite holiday movies. There's just something about watching fictional characters solve their problems by hugging it out over a slice of pecan pie that melts my cold little heart. So snuggle up under a blanket and pick one to watch—you can't go wrong with any of these holiday-movie favorites.

Home Alone

Why was it the movie for '90s kids? It might have something to do with eight-year-old Kevin McAllister (Macaulay Culkin). Sure, being left home alone is kind of scary—but truth be told, it's also every child's dream to have free rein in his home. Defeating a pair of silly burglars is just icing on the cake, of course. If you want to make a day of it, watch Home Alone 2 and Home Alone 3.

Elf

Will Ferrell could do no wrong in the eyes of America in 2003 when this silly tale of a giant man in an elf costume hit theaters. If you want to laugh for an hour and a half straight (and admire Zooey Deschanel's perfect bangs), then this is the movie for you. Bonus points if you scream out "You sit on a throne of lies!" at the same time Buddy the elf does it to a department-store Santa.

It's a Wonderful Life

If you're in the mood to ugly-cry in front of your parents, pop in this holiday classic. I've watched this movie more times than I can count, and I've cried every single time thanks to its moving, universal message about how everyone's life is valuable. And there's no better person to convey that than the quintessential everyman actor Jimmy Stewart, who makes you feel his despair and his joy when he triumphs at the end.

Bridget Jones's Diary

First of all, this movie stars not one but two of my fantasy boos (Hugh Grant and Colin Firth). Secondly, it features Renée Zellweger at her most charming. As the title character, she perfectly captures being a rough-around-the-edges and quirky singleton who has to deal with family members trying to set her up on dates—and an ill-advised relationship with her piggish boss (Grant). If you're still not convinced, you'll surely be won over by the perfect kiss a pantless Jones and Mark Darcy (Firth) share on the snowy streets of London. I'm swooning just thinking about it.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

This movie aired in 1965 and is still shown on TV every holiday season. Not many other holiday films have those bragging rights. But this movie isn't popular because of luck—it has just the right blend of melancholy (Cheer up, Charlie!), whimsicality, and a childlike sense of wonder that makes it a favorite for everyone.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

OK, so this movie takes place during Thanksgiving, but let me break the rules. Why? Because it touches my heart thanks to John Candy's complex portrayal of Del, a slightly hot mess of a man without a family. Sure, he makes Neal's (Steve Martin) trip a disaster by causing a fiery car situation and that "pillows" incident (just watch it), but it doesn't matter in the end because a lifelong friendship is forged.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Freaky. Weird. Unexpected. That pretty much sums up this anti-holiday holiday movie from the fascinating mind of director Tim Burton. This stop-motion animated tale is probably the most original and visually stunning film on the list. There's no way you can watch this movie and not get sucked into the story of the Pumpkin King, who is bored with his job and life in Pumpkinland and takes a trip to Christmastown.

Trading Places

This movie packs in three holidays in one: It takes place during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. It also deals with a timeless fable—money is not important—in a dark comedy way. Throw in Eddie Murphy as a con man, Dan Aykroyd as a banker, and the awesome Jamie Lee Curtis and you've got one of the funniest holiday movies around.

The Bishop's Wife

I'm taking it back with another old-school entry: the Cary Grant classic The Bishop's Wife. Grant stars as Dudley, an angel who is called upon by a bishop (David Niven), who has been praying for guidance about how to raise funds for a new cathedral. Dudley has other plans—namely getting the bishop to realize that the guidance needed is not about money. It's a sweet, magical, and feel-good-all-over movie. If only we all had Dudleys in our lives.

Bad Santa

By far the raunchiest movie on the list, Bad Santa is still heartwarming (and really funny). Billy Bob Thorton stars as a con man, who, along with his partner in crime, pose as Santa and his little helper and rob department stores on Christmas Eve. Their plan hits a snag when they befriend a kid with a troubled life. Yeah, yeah, you know how the movie is going to end, but there's enough here to keep you interested, promise.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

The Griswolds are a cursed family. No matter how many trips they take, they have never managed to have a successful vacation thanks to a series of unfortunate events. Of course, their Christmas holiday is no different. Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) is the perfect disaster (maybe your family has its own cousin Eddie?).

A Christmas Story

This movie is simply iconic. From the leg lamp to Ralphie's tongue getting stuck on a frozen pole to that BB-gun incident, A Christmas Story has left its mark on all our brains, so much so that it sometimes feels like this story is our own.

Love Actually

This year marks the 10th anniversary of this beloved modern holiday rom-com—and whether you adore it or hate it, you can't deny that this movie, which follows the ups and downs of eight very different couples, is the go-to flick for feel-good moments. Plus, if you don't adore little Sam (Thomas Sangster), then you could potentially be lacking a soul.

10 Christmas Love Songs Ranked in Terms of Their Mistletoe Potential

Although it’s not a holiday focused solely on celebrating romance (respect, Valentine’s Day), you can’t deny that Christmas is a pretty lovey-dovey time of year. There’s a reason it’s smack-dab in the middle of engagement season, and that reason is a combination of lots of sparkly mood lighting, cozy feelings of warmth, and too much egg nog.



And that means that some of the most beloved holiday songs are essentially great love songs accompanied by some jingle bells. Here, we take a closer look at 10 Christmas songs—just those that are romance-focused, rather than the other many wonderful songs about religion or Grandma's unfortunate demise by reindeer—and rate them based on what you'd be doing under the mistletoe while each song played in the romantic comedy of your life.

“Baby It’s Cold Outside”

Sample lyric: "I really can't stay. Baby, it's cold outside."
Romance factor: The melody sounds romantic and sexy, and the idea of lingering with the one you love much longer than you should is pretty familiar to anyone in a new relationship.
Ick factor: Sorry, but this is basically the "Blurred Lines" of Christmas carols. It’s so friggin’ catchy, you wish you could pretend the lyrics weren't so problematic. But the "Say, what's in this drink?" bit? Diiiiiisturbing.
Mistletoe potential: Saying "No kiss and please read this pamphlet on consensual sex instead."

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

Sample lyric: “I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white.”
Romance factor: I mean, there’s kissing. And sneaking around, which is kind of hot.
Ick factor: When you’re a little kid, this song is about your mom cheating on your dad. When you get a little older, it’s about your mom and your dad sucking face when they should be focusing on getting your presents under the tree. Either way, EW MOM STOP THAT IS SOOO GROSS.
Mistletoe potential: Watching your dad pat your mom's bum and wink.

“Twelve Days of Christmas”

Sample lyric: "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…"
Romance factor: Calling someone “my true love” is so black-and-white movie swoonworthy. And 12 days of appropriately numbered gifts seems like a pretty grand gesture.
Ick factor: I can tell he put a lot of thought into these themed gifts but like, what is with the bird obsession? Birds are creepy. Also, this song is like the holiday version of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" because it feels like it never ends.
Mistletoe potential: Exchanging a meaningful look with your man that's interrupted by your shrieking niece and nephew.

"Sleigh Ride"

Sample lyric: "We're snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be."
Romance factor: Obviously, a cuddle sleigh ride for two is just plain adorable.
Ick factor: Not much, although it should be noted that your view on that darling sleigh ride is probably a horse's backside, and realistically, that can get kind of gross. It's a real mood-killer.
Mistletoe potential: Blushing during a kiss on the cheek from your crush.

“Let It Snow”

Sample lyric: “But if you’ll really hold me tight, all the way home I’ll be warm.”
Romance factor: Awwwww. OK, this is basically the non-frat-bro version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” This is how you linger with your baby: no pressure and with no suspicious drinks.
Ick factor: Ick free, unless you’re so cold your heart has frozen over.
Mistletoe potential: Getting wrapped up in a big, warm hug from your long-term boyfriend.

“Last Christmas”

Sample lyric: “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away.”
Romance factor: Well, at least this year, you’ve got plans to give your heart to someone special?
Ick factor: Spending Christmas still mourning the dude who broke your heart last year is mega-depressing, and I would know.
Mistletoe potential: Wiping away a single tear while you watch your ex-boyfriend kiss your mortal enemy from across the room.

"My Only Wish (This Year)"

Sample lyric: "Seems like everyone but me is in love, Santa can you hear me?"
Romance factor: A wishing-for-love song for single girls everywhere that's upbeat enough to keep your from weeping into your hot cocoa. Thanks, Britney Spears.
Ick factor: You might still weep into your hot cocoa. But get it together, this song is charming.
Mistletoe potential: Toasting yourself with a glass of champagne.

"Please Come Home for Christmas"

Sample lyric: "My baby's gone; I have no friends to wish me greetings once again."
Romance factor: It's a sad but very sweet wish for a lover to come home.
Ick factor: Dude, it's depressing as all get-out.
Mistletoe potential: Passing out alone in the doorway with a half-eaten roll of cookie dough in your hand.

“Santa Baby”

Sample lyric: “Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for me.”
Romance factor: If you think diamonds are a girl’s best friend, this song is probably the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard.
Ick factor: The person singing this would definitely not agree with my rant against “Dating for Free Things.”
Mistletoe potential: Eye rolling while protesting, "Don't kiss me honey, you'll smear my carefully applied Chanel lipstick!"

“All I Want for Christmas Is You”

Sample lyric: "I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know."
Romance factor: All of it, this song is everything, go home, other Christmas carols, BYE. Mariah sends her love.
Ick factor: Nothing, duh. Although you are more likely to drunkenly scream-karaoke this song six times in a row with 14 of your closest girlfriends than you are to play it quietly while staring into the eyes of your love. But really, is that any less special?
Mistletoe potential: Getting a proposal from the man of your dreams followed by a perfect life.

ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID 2012

Every year, the Kapamilya Network marks the start of the yuletide season with the launch of the ABS-CBN Christmas station ID. It has become almost a yearly tradition that Filipinos around the globe look forward to.

Lumiliwanag ang Mundo sa Kwento ng Pasko, ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID theme, highlights how the Filipino spirit always shines through despite calamities that ravage our country. It shows how each one of us become bearers of light, as we help our countrymen get back on their feet... how we remain resilient because kindness never runs out, because help always comes.

Many scenes in the SID are inspired by real events. Some of these stories happened at the height of the habagat - A fireman saved the lives of those stranded in their own homes; a chef opened the doors of his restaurant to feed victims; a young woman offered her own jacket to a street child who was suffering under the cold rain; Philippine coast guards went out of their way to save lives; Volunteers and civilians selflessly offered their time and energy to relief work.

This year's offering features hundreds of Kapamilya stars paying tribute to ordinary Filipino heroes, at the same time helping spread the light across the globe.

The parol, a Pinoy Christmas icon, is this year's Christmas SID centerpiece. Film director John-D Lazatin suggested the idea of having kids orphaned during Typhoon Sendong design a parol. This, in turn, is used as an instrument of light spreading around the world. When we own the Kapamilya parol, we're not only spreading the light, we're also being part of an effort to help our disaster affected Kapamilyas, as proceeds from the parol sales would be donated to Sagip Kapamilya, the ABS-CBN Foundation arm which provides relief to affected communities of disasters, as well as engage in rehabilitation and disaster risk reduction projects.

95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness

At the cusp of a new day, week, month or year, most of us take a little time to reflect on our lives by looking back over the past and ahead into the future.  We ponder the successes, failures and standout events that are slowly scripting our life’s story.  This process of self-reflection helps us maintain a conscious awareness of where we’ve been and where we intend to go.  It is pertinent to the organization and preservation of our long-term goals and happiness.

The questions below will help you with this process.  Because when it comes to finding meaning in life, asking the right questions is the answer.

1. In one sentence, who are you?
2. Why do you matter?
3. What is your life motto?
4. What’s something you have that everyone wants?
5. What is missing in your life?
6. What’s been on your mind most lately?
7. Happiness is a ________?
8. What stands between you and happiness?
9. What do you need most right now?
10. What does the child inside you long for?
11. What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of?
12. What’s been bothering you lately?
13. What are you scared of?
14. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?
15. What will you never give up on?
16. What do you want to remember forever?
17. What makes you feel secure?
18. Which activities make you lose track of time?
19. What’s the most difficult decision you’ve ever made?
20. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?
21. What are you most grateful for?
22. What is worth the pain?
23. In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame?
24. What is something you’ve always wanted, but don’t yet have?
25. What was the most defining moment in your life during this past year?
26. What’s the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months?
27. What’s the number one thing you want to achieve in the next five years?
28. What is the biggest motivator in your life right now?
29. What will you never do?
30. What’s something you said you’d never do, but have since done?
31. What’s something new you recently learned about yourself?
32. What do you sometimes pretend to understand that you really do not?
33. In one sentence, what do you wish for your future self?
34. What worries you most about the future?
35. When you look into the past, what do you miss most?
36. What’s something from the past that you don’t miss at all?
37. What recently reminded you of how fast time flies?
38. What is the biggest challenge you face right now?
39. In one word, how would you describe your personality?
40. What never fails to frustrate you?
41. What are you known for by your friends and family?
42. What’s something most people don’t know about you?
43. What’s a common misconception people have about you?
44. What’s something a lot of people do that you disagree with?
45. What’s a belief you hold with which many people disagree?
46. What’s something that’s harder for you than it is for most people?
47. What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend?
48. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?
49. When you think of ‘home,’ what, specifically, do you think of?
50. What’s the most valuable thing you own?
51. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?
52. What would make you smile right now?
53. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?
54. What do you wish did not exist in your life?
55. What should you avoid to improve your life?
56. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?
57. What’s the biggest lie you once believed was true?
58. What’s something bad that happened to you that made you stronger?
59. What’s something nobody could ever steal from you?
60. What’s something you disliked when you were younger that you truly enjoy today?
61. What are you glad you quit?
62. What do you need to spend more time doing?
63. What are you naturally good at?
64. What have you been counting or keeping track of recently?
65. What has the little voice inside your head been saying lately?
66. What’s something you should always be careful with?
67. What should always be taken seriously?
68. What should never be taken seriously?
69. What are three things you can’t get enough of?
70. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
71. What fascinates you?
72. What’s the difference between being alive and truly living?
73. What’s something you would do every day if you could?
74. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
75. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
76. What makes you feel incomplete?
77. When did you experience a major turning point in your life?
78. What or who do you wish you lived closer to?
79. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?
80. What’s something you know you can count on?
81. What makes you feel comfortable?
82. What’s something about you that has never changed?
83. What will be different about your life in exactly one year?
84. What mistakes do you make over and over again?
85. What do you have a hard time saying “no” to?
86. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
87. What’s something that used to scare you, but no longer does?
88. What promise to yourself do you still need to fulfill?
89. What do you appreciate most about your current situation?
90. What’s something simple that makes you smile?
91. So far, what has been the primary focus of your life?
92. How do you know when it’s time to move on?
93. What’s something you wish you could do one more time?
94. When you’re 90-years-old, what will matter to you the most?
95. What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life?                                                                                                                                              May you find the answers to these questions and the TRUE meaning of CHRISTmas..   God bless Squammy readers :) Enjoy the Holidays!

The Photoshop Awards: The 2011 Kardashian Khristmas Kard

What's that saying? You can Photoshop a skid mark, but it's still a skid mark. The Kardashians kreepy, kooky & kunty" and this year's theme is obviously hall of the sequined dead souls. This is the picture that's on the cover of the pamphlet the devil hands you when you're about to sign your soul over to him and he wants to make sure you're making an educated decision that's best for you. Happy Christmas from the Kardashians :P

Family Builds Custom House With First Ever Santa-Friendly Chimney

A family in England just built a house with the first-ever custom-built chimney specifically designed to be wide enough for Santa Claus:

The explanation for said Santa House:

Upon viewing the plans, her six year old son Leo told his Mum he was worried that the estate’s new houses would not have chimneys big enough to accommodate Santa. Leo Park, 6, wrote a heartfelt plea for help to local builder Jeremy Paxton, who felt duty bound to grant the worried youngster’s request. The world’s first Santa-friendly chimney was born.

Awww, cute!!! Although, how do they explain to the kid that no other family in the world has a chimney Santa can fit through? CHECK AND MATE, kid. Also there’s no Tooth Fairy. Enjoy the house!

Check out the actual architectural plans for the Santa Chimney, in case you want to build one yourself in your one-bedroom apartment:

Whitest problem ever: SOLVED.

A Very Fuppets Holiday Christmas

The Tiny Fuppets are back, with an all new Christmas special, “A Very Fuppets Holiday Christmas!” And as usual, those wacky little Fuppets find themselves in a crazy predicament. It’s a real heartwarmer! (Though, Spoiler Alert, I had no idea Piano Dog died, and I’m crushed, much like little Fuppet legs ‘neath a Micro Machine.)

 

R.I.P.

Puppy Christmas Is All You’ve Ever Wanted Out Of Puppies, Christmas, Or Life

QUICK! Name two things you want to see always. ONE: Puppies. TWO: Christmas. DONE. PUPPY CHRISTMAS. 
 

Film it, cut it, print it, wrap it up in a box, have puppies rip open that box and play with it, film the puppies playing with it, cut that, print that, and beam directly into my brain for the rest of my waking life.

Ya done good, Internet:

Need some help getting your flirt on during festive fetes?

We’re in the middle of the holiday party season and whether you’re headed to an ugly sweater party or a classy cocktail soiree, there are plenty of chances for you to get chatty with all the cuties you’ve been crushing on this year. 

Try one of these tips on for size: 

Ask the party host to introduce you to the hunk you’ve been too shy to approach.

Is his cup of spiked eggnog looking a little low? Offer to grab him a refill while you’re getting yourself a glass.

If you’re at an ugly sweater party, exchange stories about your hideous knits!

Get cozy next to the wallflower sitting on the couch alone. 

Need some conversation starters? Ask him about his holiday plans, how he knows the party host(s) or if he’s finished (or even started!) his holiday shopping.

Suggest the two of you peruse the snack table together. 

If you’re feeling especially bold (or just tipsy) ask him if he’s on the naughty or nice list this year.

Ask him what his favorite holiday song is.

Smile and make eye contact.

And most importantly, be yourself. 

Happy Holidays flirtybee :D

Dos and Donts of Holiday Parties

Holiday parties are like weddings: if you’ve gone to the trouble of dressing up, buying gifts, and suffering whatever indignities the hosts have thrust upon you (singing carols, arbitrary New Years countdowns, and “secret” Santa games included) you deserve to go home with someone, or at least a phone number. To that end, here’s a helpful guide to Dos and Donts of holiday parties:

Do: Put thought into a gift. A bottle of booze is always easy, and fail-safe, but you may be rewarded if you take the time to pick out something unique, funny, or special for your hosts or to give away. Instead of being The Girl Who Loves Scotch, you can be The Girl Who Saved the Party (with her carefully curated playlist of the year’s best dance music). 

Don’t: Bring a dirty gift. Even as a joke. Perviness is awesome, but there is a time and a place, and neither of them is near Santa or his elves. Women can get a way with a little more in this department than men can, and yes, wind-up penises that jump around are both inexpensive and hilarious, as are risqué playing cards, but it is unlikely that being remembered as “the one who did their Secret Santa shopping at a sex shop” will work in your favor.

Do: Wear comfortable shoes. Can’t stress this enough. If it’s a party in someone’s home, wear your boots and bring your nice shoes in a bag. If it's at a restaurant or club, do the same thing and coat check it, or just grin and bear it through the snow and cold until you reach your destination. Dancing is the key holiday mating ritual. You need feet that are both dry and appropriately shod to fully exercise your right to get down.
 
Don’t: Wear anything too provocative, aka slutty. While holiday parties can, and should get a little wild, this is ultimately a time when people are thinking about family and togetherness and Scrooge McDuck. Maybe keep the sexy under control until grandma goes to bed, or at least until she’s had enough champagne not to notice. The whole fun is wondering what’s underneath that Christmas sweater--a representation of all those wild, impolite yearnings, encased restrictively in a conservative little shell. Like the Twilight movies--that’s sexy stuff.

Do: Carouse. It’s the holidays, don’t forget to make merry.  The holidays don’t have to be all about others--don’t forget about you.

Don’t: Ignore the hosts. Many of the seasonal parties attend are hosted by our friends’ parents. This is really Partying 101, or basic courtesy, but it’s easy to forget to pay attention to these hosts. But they’ve gone to the trouble to throw a party, invite you, provide food and music, etc., actually invest some time talking to them for real, not just the perfunctory “hello” and “thanks for having me.” Making that extra and sincere effort can work wonders.

The above may help, but there really are no secret tips or tricks for success at a holiday jam. They are really just more opportunities to reveal the real version of yourself in perhaps the most amenable of environments. Like I said, these things are a lot like weddings: a little formal, a little fun, and everyone’s looking.

Jimmy Kimmel Makes Parents Give Their Kids A Terrible Xmas Present

Right after Halloween, Jimmy Kimmel unleashed a montage of parents telling their children that they ate all their Halloween candy. It was a classic.

NEVER FORGET: 

 

Well now Jimmy is back with a new challenge: Give your kids a terrible Christmas present. This is a tough one, as Christmas technically isn’t happening for another two weeks. Still, you can actually hear the squeaky door hinge sound of these children’s collective disappointments while watching. And I mean, really, how ungrateful these kids are. Bwahahhahah :D

For Strict Compliance..

A Handy Guide To Figuring Out How Much You Should Drink At Your Holiday Party

New York Magazine’s delicious food blog Grubster and author Matthew Latkiewicz have figured out the “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of drinking at your office holiday party. For example: “Do have a glass of wine!” and “Don’t wake up in a different state.”

They’ve even put together this handy little guide which you should definitely print and laminate and have on you at all times. It’s their handy guide to How Drunk You Can Get at Your Office Christmas Party:

No appletini icons on this list have rendered it nearly useless to me.

Now for any of you confused by the above list, the post itself dives into further explanations of what makes a company “cool” and “uncool,” and also accounts for any exception, such as whether or not there will be food at this party, and also just how badly you want to keep or lose your job. 

'Tis the season to be HAPPY baby!! Just don’t drink too much ;)

Can we have a little laugh? :)

The Perfect Christmas gift: BULL PEEN

Here are parts of the description of this BULL PENIS CANE on eBay, presented without comment:

 

• This cane was made from a bull penis, shaped with curved handle, cured and given a hard epoxy finish for years for durability.

• My father has made these for many years and given them to friends.

• This cane measures 33 inches tall with black non-slip tip. A very nice example.

• The shaft of this cane has an attractive twisting shaft.

• Any blemishes or discoloration are part of the natural markings.

• These canes should not be used for support that is required for medical reasons. They are good for hiking, walking, etc for the average person.

So, in closing, now you have THE PERFECT GIFT for the person in your life who prefers to walk at a moderate pace with support from an enormous, possibly-blemished frozen bull boner that was, at one point, one in a series of gifts between friends.

Christmas can’t come soon enough!

http://www.ebay.com/itm/BULL-Penis-CANE-Walking-Stick-Pizzle-33-inch-/230677011746?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item35b56bdd22