As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "Your hips don't lie." Wait, that was Shakira.

 

Good Morning America recently sent two ladies out on the town to flirt with guys in a New York bar and had a body language expert examine the hidden camera footage. Here are the findings--some obvious, others even more obvious--all lightly Smittenized for your enjoyment: 

 Do:

• Smile (but not like a serial killer).
• Whip your hair! Back and forth!
• Be open and engaged. Not the "ring" kind. The "friendly" kind.
• Touch nonsexual areas often... although the elbow or something could be mad sexual to some people, right?
• Expose your wrists--they are an erogenous zone. See?
• Tilt your head to the left. Apparently that says "I like you." I guess tilting your head to the right says "I wish I was watching Intervention on my couch right now instead of pretending to care about your hometown."
• Turn your body towards his and nod when he is speaking.

Don't:

• Text too much.
• Sit on your hands or hunch your shoulders. #derp #Quasimodo?
• Dart your eyes.
• Cross your arms. Which makes sense in a poetic way, because that is kind of like a chastity belt over your heart.
• Stand with your legs crossed. Which makes sense in a literal way, because that is kind of like a chastity belt over your girl equipment.
• Get all up in his space. Freak.
• Rub your nose or slouch.

Or just do all of these at once! Because maybe he will write a blog post about how weird you are, and you'll get a reality show deal. Holla! 

 And he is interested if...

• His eyebrows go up, Groucho-style.
• His pupils dilate (and he's not on drugs).
• His lips part slightly and he looks you up and down.
• You are his sole focus of attention.
• He touches himself while looking at you (not like that--just a simple shirt-tug or hair-smooth.)
• Posturing, e.g. straightening up and leaning his chest toward you. Like a peacock that uses Old Spice.

And just from me, some ways you can tell he's not interested...

• If he looks at you and says anything along the lines of "Oh my God, what is that?"
• Screaming.
• Flailing.
• Sudden feigned interest in something in another state, followed by hasty dash to door.
• Repeated reminders that he is, in fact, a gay man. A long shot, but he just might be trying to tell you something.

How awesome is Ursula, in retrospect? Really.