Reasons You’re Succeeding in Life

It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.

At times we all feel less than successful.  We feel like we’re running in place, struggling to make even the slightest bit of progress.  And while this is a perfectly normal feeling, you have to ultimately break free from it and see yourself and your life in a more positive light.

The key is to pay attention to the small things.  Just because you’re not where you want to be, doesn’t mean you’re a failure.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  To be truly happy and successful today doesn’t mean you don’t desire more in the future, it means you are sincerely thankful for what you have already accomplished and patient for everything yet to come.

Every morning when you wake up, think of three things that are going well in your life at the moment.  As you fall asleep every night, fill your mind with an appreciation for all the small things that went well during the day.  Examine your daily successes.

Give the power of your thinking to the positive influences in your life, and they will grow stronger and more influential every day.  Remind yourself of what works well and why, and you’ll naturally find ways to make lots of other things work well too.  The most efficient way to enjoy more success in life is not to obsess yourself with what hasn’t worked, but instead to extend and expand upon the success you already know.

Here are some much-needed reminders – sixteen good reasons you’re already succeeding in life:

1. You are walking your own path, not anyone else’s. – One of the most foundational sources of both success and happiness is simply being comfortable with who you really are.  Not trading your reality for a role or your truth for an act.  Not giving up your freedom of thought.  Not putting on a mask.  So never let anyone’s ignorance, hate, drama or negativity stop you.  If you desire to make a difference in the world, you must continue to be different from the world.  Don’t be scared to walk alone on your own path, and don’t be scared to like it.
2. You are gradually working through your fears. – As you know, running from fear is a race you’ll never win.  In fact, what you’re afraid of dealing with is often precisely what will set you free.  So keep doing what you’ve been doing – take another step forward today.  Don’t let your fear decide your future.  Don’t let it shut you down.  Instead, let it wake you up!  Take chances and indulge in the excitement.  Tell yourself that the fear of suffering is far worse than the suffering itself.  Convince yourself that everything you want is on the other side of fear.  Because it is.  
3. You have not let failure stop you. – Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading toward success.  Oftentimes our greatest insight comes from our failure, not from our accomplishments.  It’s a matter of taking each lesson and stepping forward with it.  At the end of the day, whether you choose to go with it, flow with it, resist it, change it, or hide from it, life goes on.  If what you did today didn’t turn out as you hoped, tomorrow is a new opportunity try again, or to do something totally different.  What’s important is to realize that you have a choice.
4. You learn something new and grow stronger every day. – To find the best path forward we must occasionally stray from it.  There are no wrong turns; only paths we didn’t know we were meant to walk.  In the end, to be a success you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to remain perfectly capable of improving.  Keep letting your mistakes strengthen you.  Life is a series of little journeys.  Allow each step to be a teachable moment.  And don’t confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it’s stormy sometimes, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.
5. You have overcome some considerable obstacles. – Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.  Nothing!  There is a benefit and a blessing hidden in the folds of every experience and every outcome.  Consider the possibility that the little obstacles in your life’s path are not obstacles at all, but stepping-stones to amazing places.
6. You do your best to love what is. – A big part of success and happiness is not getting everything you want, but mindfully wanting what you get.  After all, stress is resistance to what is.  Continue to accept what comes to you totally and completely, so you can appreciate it, learn from it and then let it go.  Sometimes the best possible response is simply allowing yourself to be at peace with what is, rather than wishing for, and bemoaning, what is not.  It’s about doing the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt.
7. You try to be as present as possible. – We all have two lives.  And the second one starts now, when we realize that we only have one.  Really, nothing is worth more than today.  Because you can’t change yesterday or accurately predict tomorrow, but you can ruin today – your real life – by worrying about those two illusory eternities.  So stay present and focus on what you can create today.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
8. You love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of everyone else loving you. – Putting yourself first does not mean being “selfish.”  It means being self-aware.  It means never forgetting to love yourself, too.
9. You don’t judge people. – People are sometimes too quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.  You know this and you graciously do the opposite.  It’s impressive, really.  Because it’s much easier to judge people than it is to understand them.  Understanding takes extra kindness and patience, and this “extra” is worth it.  This “extra” makes a big difference in the end.
10. You are the reason some people smile. – Do not miss a chance – not one single, tiny opportunity – to tell someone how wonderful they are and how beautiful they are, inside and out.
11. You have incredible people in your life. – Your capacity to be both effective and happy is directly related to the quality of people whom most closely surround you every single day.  Having just one or two of these people a phone call away is truly a priceless blessing.  These relationships are worth celebrating.
12. You have been selfless in your closest relationships. – Almost every immoral action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive.  It is a trait we hate in other people but often justify in ourselves.  The fact that you have made sacrifices for people you love is remarkable in every way.  I know it’s not easy.  It’s one of the very hardest parts of loving someone – you have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up, selflessly.
13. You have given up doing things for others out of guilt. – Sometimes we give in to our loved one’s requests out of guilt.  But we need to stop feeling guilty for not giving the people we care about everything they want.  It’s sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but we foster the attitude of entitlement in our lives and relationships when we are ruled by a guilty conscience.  It’s OK to say “no” to friends and family sometimes.  You know this, so just keep doing what you know is right, and never let false guilt get the best of you.
14. You aren’t overspending to impress or satisfy others. – I think it’s good for our friends and family to hear us say, “I can’t afford that” or “We will have to save for it.”  Because that’s real life.  We don’t have all the money in the world to buy everything we could ever want.  If you think about it, I bet you’ve known families before who are working multiple jobs to drive luxury cars and keep their kids in expensive extracurricular activities, when honestly, everyone would be happier and better off with more family and friendship time and less financial stress.
15. You respect yourself enough to never let anyone walk all over you. – A simple reminder, but so very important:  Never, ever submit your self-worth or moral values to a relationship.  True love and friendship can flower only under the sun of mutual respect.  Some people may try to trample your garden and walk all over you, but you don’t have to sit there and take it.  Period. 
16. You know you can’t please everyone, and you don’t try. – That’s right.  Keep standing strong.  Don’t let the negative opinions of others derail you.  Ultimately, there are two kinds of people – those who are a drain on your energy and creative force, and those who give you energy and support your growth.  Avoid the first kind.  May the bridges you burn light your way.  Just be happy, be honest and be true to yourself every day.  If others don’t like it, let them be.  Success in life isn’t about pleasing everyone.

If you can’t check-off every point from this list, no big deal.  This list is just a rough guideline.  We all need our own time to travel our own distance, our own way.  But keep in mind, the principle still applies:

Success is not a skill; it’s a persistent attitude.  It’s not a place you arrive at; it’s a process you live through.  It’s what you do every day.  It’s what you are doing now…

You are succeeding in life.  You just have to believe it.

Old-Fashioned Relationship Habits We Should Bring Back

Love is great when spoken, but greatest when shown.  Do little things daily to show your loved ones you care.

1.  Spend quality time together with no major agenda and no technology.

Put down the smart phone, close the laptop and enjoy each other’s company, face to face, the old fashioned way.

There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other.  Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary just by doing them with the right people.  So choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together.

Don’t wait to make big plans.  Make your time together the plan.  Communicate openly on a regular basis.  Get together in the flesh as often as possible.  Not because it’s convenient to do so, but because you know each other are worth the extra effort.

2.  Be fully present when you’re in the presence of others.

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing your presence and absence both mean something to someone.  And the only way to let your loved ones know this, is to show them when you’re with them.

In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention – your full presence.  Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event is the ultimate compliment.  It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.  So give them the gift of YOU – your time, undivided attention and kindness.  That’s better than any other gift, it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered.  

3.  Express your sincere appreciation for loved ones every chance you get.

No matter how sure you are of someone’s appreciation and admiration, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.  So if you appreciate someone today, tell them.  Just because they are reliable and there when you need them, doesn’t mean you should fail to give thanks and appreciation on a regular basis.  To value someone too lightly is to risk missing the depth of their goodness before they’re gone.

Sadly, it is often only when we are tragically reminded of how short life is – that today could easily be our last with someone we love – that we start to appreciate every day we have together as if it were.  Let this lesson sink in now.  Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell the people you love how much you appreciate them.

4.  Work together and help each other grow.

There is no soul mate or best friend out there who will solve all your problems.  There is no love at first sight that lasts without work and commitment.  But there are, however, people out there worth fighting for.  Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re imperfect in all the ways that are right for you.  You compliment each other’s flaws in a way that allows your souls to unite and operate more efficiently as one.

You will know when you meet one of these people, when through them you meet the very best in yourself.

5.  Focus on inner beauty.

When you get to really know someone, most of their prominent physical characteristics vanish in your mind.  You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize their scent, and appreciate their wit.  You see only the essence of the person, not the shell.

That’s why you can’t fall in love with physical beauty.  You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, or want to own it.  You can love it with your eyes and your body for a little while, but not your heart in the long-term.  Thus, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, most physical imperfections become irrelevant.

6.  Tell the truth.

Too many prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Relationships based on lies always die young.

Lying is a cumulative process too.  So be careful.  What starts as a small, seemingly innocent lie (possibly even with the intention of not hurting anyone) quickly spirals into an mounting false reality where the biggest factor preventing you from sharing the truth is the unwanted reputation of being known as a liar.  We lie to one another, but even more so we lie to ourselves most often to protect our “oh so fragile” ego.  We may even be inclined to lie to ourselves while reading this, not wanting to admit how often we have eluded the truth.  

7.  Apologize when you know you should.

Take personal responsibility for your wrong doings.  If you know your actions or words have hurt someone you care about, immediately admit your faults and face the reality of your actions.  An apology is the super glue of lasting relationships.

And make sure your apology is sincere too.  Say it and mean it.  Don’t bother apologizing if you’re just going to continue doing the things you said sorry for.  Never ruin an apology with an excuse.  Excuses are NOT apologies.

8.  Work out your relationship issues with each other, not with others.

This may seem obvious, but these days it’s worth mentioning:  NEVER post negatively about a loved one on social media.  Fourteen-year-old school kids post negatively about their boyfriends, girlfriends and friends on social media.  It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with them directly when the time is right.

Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side, because healthy relationships only have one side.

Furthermore, relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationships for you.  If you’re having a relationship issue with someone, work it out with THEM and no one else.  

9.  Be a force for positivity and encouragement.

Elevate your inner game.  A negative attitude is way below your horizon.

Our way of thinking creates good or bad outcomes.  It makes a big difference in your life and the lives around you when you stay positive.  So be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic.  If something is not to your liking, change your liking and carry on with smile.  Always turn a negative situation into a positive lesson and move forward.

Encourage the best possible results with your thoughts and words.  And teach this philosophy to those around you too.

10.  Over-deliver on your promises.

Be committed.  Commitment means staying devoted and keeping your promises, long after the time and mood you made the promises in has left you.  Doing so is vital to your relationships and long-term success in every imaginable walk of life.

So don’t just say it, show it.  Don’t just promise it, prove it.  Better yet, over-deliver on all your promises.  Supply far more than what’s required.  As Anne Frank once said, “No one has ever become poor by giving.”  Whenever you can, go out of your way and do something nice and unexpected for the people in your life, especially those who are in no position to repay you anytime soon.

11.  Be loyal.

Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either.  Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light.  On the flipside, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright.

In other words, be loyal.  Remaining faithful in your relationships is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty means the world to the people who love you.  When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down.  You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours.

23 Things People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently

There are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that we all have to master before we can awaken to a simpler, happier, more fulfilling life – a life worth loving.  And that’s precisely what this post is all about.

No matter what part of life’s path you’re currently traveling on, the list below will always be applicable.  These are simple, positive habits that thousands of people who have learned to love their lives, now live by.  Here’s what they do differently..

1. They flow with life, not against it. – When everything in life seems to be going wrong, mostly it’s meant to go wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.  Keep this in mind.  Life may wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you.  For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else.  You don’t have to accept it; it’s just easier if you do.  When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little.  Sometimes you simply need to take a deep breath and appreciate what is.
2. They let go of self-defeating thoughts. – Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger, regret and frustration.  Let go of the need for approval too.  You don’t need any of it.  The world is as we are inside.  What we think, we see, and we ultimately become.  So choose your thoughts wisely.  Think how you want to live.
3. They prove themselves to themselves, not others. – If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value.  Don’t do this to yourself.
4. They believe in the possibilities ahead. – You are a victim of the beliefs you live by.  And a belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses, it is an idea that possesses the mind.  So believe in yourself.  Believe in your capacity to succeed.  Believe that there are many roads to what’s right.  Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths.  Believe that the answers are out there waiting.  Believe that life will surprise you again and again.  Believe that the journey is the destination.  Believe that it’s all worth your while.
5. They find the positive in every situation. – The most underrated trait of all successful people I’ve ever met: Positivity.  Your attitude directly determines how well you live your life.
6. They appreciate what they have. – Every now and then it’s good to pause in your pursuit of happiness, look around, and simply be happy for what you already have in your life. 
7. They nurture their own inner peace. – In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.  Take a few deep breaths, a relaxing walk, or a moment to meditate.  When you find peace within, you who can live at peace in any situation.
8. They find the courage to be real. – It takes courage to grow up, grow wiser, and turn out to be who you really are.  Find the courage to own your story.  To speak your truth.  To ask for what you need.  To set boundaries.  And to reach out for love and support when you need it.
9. They maintain high personal standards based on strong values. – Goals are important but they are temporary.  Values on the other hand are forever.  Raise your standards by taking a values-driven, not just a goal-focused, approach to life.
10. They walk the talk and always set a great example. – Be the change you want to see. Give what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.
11. They help themselves by helping others. – We all die.  The goal isn’t to live forever; the goal is to create something that will… an idea or gesture that helps others live better.  Strong people stand up for themselves; stronger people stand up for others too.  Remember this next time you feel like flexing your muscles.
12. They use self-reflection as a tool to keep things in perspective.– Never forget where you’ve been, lose sight of where you’re going, or take for granted the people who travel the journey with you.
13. They make their important relationships a daily priority. – An incredible thing happens when you pay close attention.  It’s by participating more in your relationships that you breathe life into them. 
14. They accept that not all relationships are meant to last. – This is a harsh truth.  And what we do with our pain is nearly everything.  To punish people for not loving us is a heartbreaking, broken sort of justice.  It just doesn’t work out for anyone.  So let the wrong ones go, willingly.  Ultimately, you will meet two kinds of people in life: those who build you up and those who tear you down.  In the end, though, you will thank them both.  Because the wrong relationships eventually lead to the right ones.
15. They leave the past behind. – Don’t let the past steal your present.  Your past has not defined, deterred, or defeated you.  It has only strengthened who you are today.  Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.
16. They make every day count. – What you do daily matters more than what you do every once in awhile.  Your life will not improve unless you start making daily improvements.  It’s not about being the smartest, it’s about making the smartest decision. It’s not about being right, it’s about doing the right things.
17. They do the work. – The near-term cost of discipline is always less than the long-term cost of lack of discipline.  At some point you have to stop wishing for it and start working for it.
18. They focus on effectiveness, not busyness. – The great paradox of our time is that many of us are busy and bored at the same time.  Busyness and effectiveness are two different things. 
19. They get uncomfortable. – You can’t learn, grow and succeed until you get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  The best wins in life often come only after you dare to lose.
20. They break-up their routines to seek new insight. – You will often see what is wrong when you are doing it right.  But you will rarely see what is right when you are comfortably in the routine of doing it wrong.  If you want a new tomorrow, then make new choices today.  Mix it up!  Sometimes a break from your routine is the very thing you need.
21. They take action in spite of their fears. – Dreading is often far worse than just doing the thing.  Dread rehearses a scenario over and over without progress and success ever showing up.  So just do it already!  Stand strong.  Do what you fear, and fear disappears.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words.
22. They use change as an opportunity to grow. – Life is change, but growth is optional.  Choose wisely.  To be a success in life you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to remain perfectly capable of improving.  Let your mistakes, and life’s twists and turns, strengthen you.  Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
23. They always give themselves another chance. – Sometimes the bad things that happen in your life put you on a direct path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you.  You just have to give yourself another chance to get there.

Do the best you can to smile.   Be so busy loving your life and the people in it that you have no time left for hate, regret or unnecessary stress.  In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.

You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds – struggles and all.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.

To Be Happy..

You have to do hard things to be happy in life.  The things no one else is doing.  The things that frighten you.  The things others can’t do for you.  The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Because those are the things that define you.  Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living – between knowing the path and walking the path – between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and success.

Of course, the hard things are often the easiest things to avoid.  To procrastinate.  To make excuses.  To pretend like they somehow don’t apply to you and your life situation.

But reality always rears its head in the end.  And the truth about how ordinary people achieve immense happiness and incredible feats of success is that they step out of their comfort zones and do the hard things that their more educated, affluent and qualified counterparts don’t have the courage, drive or determination to do.

So for your own sake, start doing the hard things TODAY.  I guarantee, you will be blown away at just how remarkable you really are and just how amazing life can be.  Here are some ideas to get you started:

You need to take small chances every day. – It’s the best way to face any problem, crush every fear and overcome life’s greatest challenges.  And you get just about as many chances in life as you’re willing to take.  So never let your fear decide your future.  Take small chances every day, one step at a time.  Some will work out and some won’t.  But good choices or bad, if you never take these chances, someone else will build your life for you.  And you don’t want that.

You need to worry less about what other people think of you.– A beautiful life is about spending your time passionately, being happy with who you are inside, and not worrying about everyone’s petty judgments.  If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for everyone’s approval.  You don’t need anyone’s approval to be happy or to follow your heart.

You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and achieving.– Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.  You are not in competition with anyone else; plan to outdo your past, not other people.

You need to invest in yourself even when no one else is. – Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.  Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s.  Invest in your education, health and happiness every single day.  Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside to everyone else.  

You need to walk the talk. – Do not ask others or the universe to guide your footsteps if you’re not willing to move your feet.  If you really want it, prove it!  Happiness will come to you when it comes from you.  Success will be yours when you take responsibility for making your goals a top priority.

You need to put your heart into your work. – Love is a verb.  Act on it.  Put your heart into goals that move you.  Work hard.  In the end, love is what makes you smile when you’re tired and still struggling.

You need to deliver results, even when making excuses is easier. – NO shortcuts.  NO quick fixes.  NO blaming others.  NO “I’ll do it tomorrows.”  NO MORE EXCUSES!  Just get started.  Quit talking and begin doing!  Laziness may appear attractive, but work leads to happiness.

You need to make mistakes and look like a fool sometimes. – Quite often, the successful people who act the happiest are the ones who have overcome the most.  Sometimes you have to lose something precious in order to gain something priceless.  Never regret your past mistakes and failures, because they have given you strength.  The one who falls and gets up is much stronger than the one who never fell.

You need to let go of yesterday’s struggles. – The story of your life has many chapters.  One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end.  So stop re-reading the bad one already and turn the page.  Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what could be.  Remember, life does not have to be anywhere near perfect to be wonderful in the end.

You need to refrain from feeling sorry for yourself. – To those who are struggling, I understand how rough things are right now.  I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise.  Keep pushing forward.  I know you feel like nobody really cares, but you’re wrong.  People care.  I care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.  You’re not alone.  We may be miles apart, but we’re all going through similar challenges.  Realize that self-pity is not helpful.  Life is not about feeling sorry for yourself.  It’s about forgiveness, acceptance and looking forward to what makes you stronger and better off in the long run.

You need to toughen up. – The strongest, happiest, most successful people are NOT those who always win, but those who don’t give up when they lose. They fail forward.  So keep calm when everything seems to be going wrong.  You may feel weak, but your spirit is strong.  When things are tough, you must be tougher.  Don’t pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a hard one that leads to long-term success and happiness.

You need to fight hard for what you believe in. – Great strength comes from overcoming what others believe is impossible.  And sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.  So if you believe strongly in something, fight for it.  In time things will fall into place… maybe not today, but eventually… maybe not exactly how you planned, just how it’s meant to be.  

You need to be patient. – Don’t rush it.  Practice patience.  Keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.  When the time is right, it’ll happen.

You need to take control of your thoughts before they take control of you. –It’s often our own thinking that hurts us.  Realize this.  You can’t solve your problems with the same thinking you used to create them.  There’s no reason to imprison yourself.  Don’t think outside the box.  Think like there is no box.

You need to be positive. – Happiness is in the heart and mind, not in random circumstances.  Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative thinking.  Be positive and smile right now, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything.  Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy; sometimes it simply means you’re strong.  And smiling will help you feel better.

You need to spend more time with the right people. – And if you know the people around you aren’t the right people, you need to change the people around you.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.  Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people.  Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life.  Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for relationships that always bring you down.

You need to stand up for yourself. – Some people will do anything for their own personal gain at the expense of others – cut in line, take money and property, bully and belittle, pass guilt, etc.  Do not accept this behavior.  Do not let people walk all over you.  Most of these people know they’re doing the wrong thing and will back down and apologize surprisingly quickly when confronted.  In most social settings people tend to keep quiet until one person speaks up, so SPEAK UP.

You need to forgive everyone who has wronged you. – Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing that resentment is not on the path to happiness.  Remember, you don’t forgive people because you’re weak.  You forgive them because you’re strong enough to know that people make mistakes. 

You need to reach out and help people. – The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others.  We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such.  Your beliefs alone don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.  Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, and your hands for charity, always.  You don’t need a reason to help someone else.

You need to be present enough to enjoy your journey. – Find your balance between planning and presence.  When life is good, enjoy it.  Don’t go looking for something better every second.  Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have.  

You must be willing to loosen your grip on the life you have planned so you can enjoy the life that is waiting for you in this moment.  It may not be everything you want for your future, but it’s everything you need right now.

Ways to Reduce Stress (and Actually Enjoy the Holidays)

As joyous a time as the holidays can be, sometimes it gets a little difficult to stay calm with all of the family outings, gifts to buy, parties to attend, and so on. We get it. And so does Dr. Jaime Kulaga, PhD.
Dr. Kulaga shares some tips that she recommends to her stressed-out clients below. Start practicing them now, and you could be stress-free by 2014.



It's a stressful time of year...

1. Don't Focus On Others. Focus On You. If your friend just got engaged and you're still single, or if your coworker got a promotion that you wanted, don't stress out. Comparing yourself to others automatically makes you feel like the inferior one. Instead, focus your energy on you and how you can improve your life. "You are in control of you and need to take the time and energy to explore who you are," says Dr. Kulaga.

2. Stay Active. "Find ways to beef up your energy so that you can handle any stressors that come your way," says Dr. Kulaga. For example, if you know you have tons of work to do, make sure to treat yourself to a nice healthy breakfast first, or take a break to fit in a workout in the middle of a hectic week.

3. Don't Add Extra Worry. Live in the now as much as possible, because obsessing over things that might go wrong won't help prevent any of them. In fact, "If you create anxiety and tell yourself that something might go wrong, and then in fact it goes wrong, then you lived the pain twice," Dr. Kulaga says.

4. Avoid Negative Friends. "Negativity truly is contagious and stressful," says Dr. Kulaga. And once you adopt those negative thoughts, the bad effects can stick around for a while. Pessimistic thoughts act as internal stressors on the body, says Dr. Kulaga. They activate our "fight or flight" response and can keep us agitated for long periods of time. So make plans with your positive friends instead!

5. Appreciate What You Have. Yes, not everything may be perfect in your life, but give yourself some credit—you worked hard to get to where you are. "Once you realize you earned what you have (whatever that is), your confidence goes up and [as a result] stress goes down."

Now we know this is all easier said than done, but if you might end up more relaxed and happy, we think it's worth a shot. Will you try these tips?

12 Lies People Love to Tell You

Over the years you’ve developed a set of beliefs based on what others have told you.  The problem is, many of these people weren’t telling the truth.  They were merely repeating the little, seemingly innocent lies someone else once told them.  Now, the false beliefs they’ve ingrained in your mind are impeding your potential and holding you back from the life you’re capable of living.

Here are twelve lies you’ve likely heard and the truth that will set you free:

1.  What you need in life is comfort and safety.
If you want to make an impact, big or small, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Maybe the thing you’re scared of is exactly what you should do.  Sometimes life is about risking it all for a dream no one can see but you.

2.  You have way too much to lose.
In the end, you will not regret the things you have done nearly as much as the things you have left undone.  It’s always better to be left with a few “oh wells,” than a bunch of “what ifs.”  It’s better to have a lifetime full of experiences and mistakes you learned from, rather than a heart full of regrets and empty dreams.  Someday you will want to look back at your life and say, “I can’t believe I did that!” instead of, “Gosh, I wish I would have…”

3.  Your dream is impossible.
When a dream matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to achieve what at first seemed impossible.  Let that person be YOU.  It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.  Go after your dream, no matter how unattainable others tell you it is.  What’s impossible to them may not be impossible for you.

4.  Being self-centered is always wrong.
You must choose yourself and live your life from beginning to end; no one else can do it for you.  Claiming full control over your health, dreams, and well-being are some of the areas in your life where you get to be a little selfish and not feel bad about it.  If you want to reach your goals, you have to be the center of this part of your journey.  You have to make it work for you and you alone.  It’s not selfishness, it’s self-care and self-improvement.  Anything less is a setup for failure.

5.  You need the approval of others.
People are sometimes too quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.  Don’t be one of them.  Focus on your own growth, goals, and self-worth.  Leave people to their opinions and judgments.  Let them respect you for who you are, and not for who they want you to be…  Or let them walk away if they choose.  Either way, they can’t harm you; it’s their understanding that is faulty, not yours.

6.  The strongest, happiest people have fewer problems.
Strength doesn’t come from what you can do; it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.  When you are at your lowest point, you are open to the greatest positive change.  Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the strength to deal with them.  The strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it.  They turn their wounds into wisdom.

7.  Situations are either positive or negative.
The Chinese symbol for the word “crisis” is written using two strokes of a pen.  One stroke stands for danger, and the other for opportunity.  In other words, in a crisis, beware of the danger, but also recognize the opportunity.  Life always balances itself out.  Everything that happens is neither positive nor negative; it just depends on your perspective.

8.  Perfect relationships exist.
The love of your life isn’t perfect, you aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.  But if you can make each other laugh once in awhile, cause each other to think twice about the sweetness of life, and both admit to being human and making mistakes, your relationship is something special.  No, you two may not always choose the most poetic words, and there will likely be inconsiderate slip-ups on occasion, but that’s what makes your bond real.  Smile when they make you happy, speak up when they make you mad, and miss them when they’re gone.  Love hard when there is love to be had.  Perfect love doesn’t exist, but true love does, and it’s worth the effort.

9.  Love is an obligation.
Love between two people comes because both people want to share their love, not because YOU want it from the other person.  Your family, friends, co-workers, partner – they all love you because they choose to, not because you want them to.  Love is meant to be felt, enjoyed and lived, not to be forced on anyone.

10.  You can’t be kind to everyone.
Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing resentment is not on the path to happiness.  Having confidence and class is the ability to walk away from a bad situation with a smile on your face and forgiveness in your heart.

11.  You need more to be happy.
There are two ways of being rich: One is to have all you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have.  Accept and appreciate things now, and you’ll find more happiness in every moment you live.  Happiness comes when you stop complaining about the troubles you have and offer thanks for all the troubles you don’t have.  And remember, you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

12.  It’s too late.
Anyone can run away; it’s super easy.  Facing issues and working through them makes you strong.  Focus on your dreams, not your problems.  It’s not too late.  A hundred disappointments in the past can’t equal the power of one positive action right now.  Talk is cheap; action is priceless.  Go for it!  Give yourself another chance.

15 Things Happy People Don’t Do

Happiness: something everyone hopes to achieve in his or her lifetime. Such a simple concept, yet many have trouble realizing how to obtain it. Sometimes we unintentionally create our own obstacles that prevent us from achieving this goal. It is ever so important to realize the ways we are limiting ourselves so we can fully reach happiness.

Happy people and unhappy people see the world through two completely opposing views. Let’s look at the ways happy people stay happy, while the unhappy remain miserable.

1. Gossip

The only people who gossip are people whose personal lives are not fulfilling enough. If you are happy and content with your life, why do you even care what is going on in someone else’s? There is no reason to engage in this petty behavior — all it does is make you look pathetic and jealous.

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2. Concern Themselves With Other People’s Problems

People who are unable to mind their own business are most likely internally miserable. They seek to find faults within others just to make themselves feel better. They tend to lead boring lives and have no excitement in their own, so they act in this manner to create something out of nothing. They seek to fill the gap in their lives by discussing the lives of others and judging them harshly, so that they can feel better about their own miserable existences.

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3. Think Negatively

There are the miserable people, who are always complaining about anything and everything, while on the other side, we have the optimistic people who always look at the glass as half full and are constantly looking for more out of life. Thinking positively will directly affect your happiness since you are focusing on the good as opposed to the bad.

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4. Act Jealous

There is no reason for a happy person to act jealous towards others. They recognize the good fortune they possess and relish in it. They do not compare themselves to others since they are more than likely content with themselves. Instead of acting jealous towards others, they take pleasure in their success and celebrate their accomplishments with them.

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5. Seek Validation From Others

Happy people do not look to others to confirm their self-worth. They recognize their value on their own and don’t live up to anyone’s expectations. They do things for themselves that they believe will advance them in life. By not concerning themselves with the opinions of others, they can focus on personal growth.

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6. Seek Revenge

There is no reason to actively seek revenge against another person. Leave that up to karma and just continue living your life accordingly. Instead of focusing on revenge, happy people try to make peace with the issue. The only way to stop revenge is to give up and to accept it. Replace the evil feelings with opposite thinking. This is the only way; rise above it and let it be.

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7. Hold Onto Resentment

By holding onto resentment, all you are doing is continuing and intensifying your own sadness. Learn to let things go, especially those which are unchangeable and that are in the past. This feeling will eat at you from the inside and cause stress. There is a unique sense of freedom once you let your anger go.

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8. Argue For The Sake Of Being Right

It’d be easy to voice my thoughts rationally, but quite as easy to do it condescendingly as well. Many people will have a belief and will hold onto it even when contrary facts are presented to them. If it is a topic that you know they won’t listen to with open ears, don’t open your mouth just so you can appear wiser in the eyes of those around you. You’re only boosting your ego. Do not force your opinions on others or think you know best, as everyone is coming from somewhere. State your point calmly and listen to others. At the very least, you can always agree to disagree.

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9. Have Expectations

One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning to accept people for who they truly are. Once you realize that your expectations cannot change people, the better off you will be. The problem will arise when the expectations do not materialize. Unrealistic expectations will, can, and most often do lead to disappointment. Do not expect things out of situations; just go into them with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.

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10. Avoid Personal Problems

When a problem arises, it is the unhappy people who tend to ignore it. This is an awful way to handle situations as the longer you let a problem linger, the greater it will become. You need to tackle issues head on and as soon as possible in hopes of rectifying the circumstances. The stress and anxiety of ignoring such things can and will make you miserable and consumed with worry.

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11. Look For Happiness Externally

Your happiness is contingent upon your outlook and not the actual situation. You have the power to view things in certain ways, so it is crucial to try and remain positive. Look within yourself to create your own happiness. Do not look at others to fulfill you, you are more than capable on your own. No relationship or material possession can bring you true happiness until you are happy on your own, first and foremost. This is a fatal error far too many people make in their lives.

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12. Over Think Things

Over thinking is what creates problems from nothing and is probably the leading cause for arguments between two people. Many people falsely believe that by over thinking certain things, they can garner a better result. There are actually little to no benefits to overanalyzing any given situation. All this will do is cause a person stress and anxiety. The more time a person analyzes a decision, the more time this person makes themselves susceptible to negative thinking. Rational decisions can become clouded when a person lingers on them for too long. The motivation and drive behind the initial idea can and will start to obscure.

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13. Live In The Past

The past is the past for a reason — it has already happened. There is no reason to linger there since it cannot be changed. Happy people tend to make peace with their past and focus on the future. They actively seek out different opportunities in order to make the most out of their lives.

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14. Follow The Crowd

Confidence is a crucial aspect of any happy person, just like this is a critical characteristic for a leader. Happy people tend to be secure in their values and beliefs and, as a result, have a propensity to be leaders as opposed to followers.

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15. Take Things Personally

When you hear a comment that you think is directed at you, take a moment and think. Do not over analyze the situation at hand, just let the other person speak freely. Listen completely to what this person is saying – selective hearing is the cause of these misinterpretations. People tend to get caught up in petty drama, which typically occurs when one person takes something the wrong way. When it comes down to it, you’re in control of how you interpret things. Think of how much more you could achieve with a new perspective, one seen only through your eyes.

8 Life Quotes and Tips to Make You Think

I love thought-provoking quotes – seemingly simple, yet interestingly profound phrases that have the power to get our minds thinking straight.  That’s what this short post is about.  Below I have listed eight of my favorite thought-provoking quotes, along with my interpretation and outlook on each one.  I hope you enjoy thinking about them as much as I do.

1.  Dealing with Problems

“We can not solve our problems with the
same level of thinking that created them.”
―Albert Einstein

Realize that not all movement is progress.  When stress and tension and chaos surround you, pause for a moment and relax.  The best time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. Select a specific challenge, deal with it, and then move calmly and confidently to the next.  When you’re being pulled in multiple directions at once, take time to remember what you value most.  Focus on what’s most important to you and you’ll naturally direct your greatest energy to the right source. Life is filled with either problems or possibilities.  What you see is what you choose to see.  On the surface life can seem tumultuous and perplexing, yet deep inside, where it truly matters, life is what you make of it.  Choose to see beyond the problems to the possibilities that await your attention.

2.  Happiness and Personal Growth

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness
without protecting yourself from happiness.”
―Jonathan Safran Foer

Live every day of your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and the negatives, and all the moods present between the various extremes.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well-rounded, seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness. The feelings of happiness and fulfillment are nice when they happen, and they are needed, but they don’t strengthen you.  Instead of asking, “Is this making me happy?” ask, “Is this contributing to my completeness?”  If you’re struggling and making progress, the answer is “yes.”  

3.  Inner Peace

“We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.”
―Elizabeth Gilbert

Inner peace does not depend on external conditions; it’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and your worries.  Peace can happen within you at any place and at any time.  It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it. Peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind.  It happens when you let go of the need to be anywhere but where you are, physically and emotionally.  This acceptance of the way things are creates the foundation for inner harmony.  The need for something to be different in this moment is nothing more than a worry, and worries simply lead you in circles.  Acceptance will bring you back to your peaceful, productive center. Remember, the same part of you that longs for peace is the part of you that experiences peace.  It is not complicated to achieve and is as close as your next thought.

4.  Appreciating What You Have

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―Epicurus

Don’t pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, simple, and yet not-so-small gifts in your life.  It may seem strange to feel thankful for those events in your life which appear to be ordinary, yet it’s precisely by being thankful that you can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.  You may not see the value in spending time and effort acknowledging all the little, seemingly insignificant things in your life, yet without the little things there would be no big things. Don’t let what was once a miracle become common to you.  Don’t get so accustomed to life’s goodness that you overlook it.  Let your enthusiasm rise from the doldrums by being thankful for what you have.  Seize every opportunity to be appreciative.  Make genuine gratitude a constant companion to who you are, in all that you do.  

5.  Replacing Excuses with Action

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the BS story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.”
―Unknown

Instead of making a lot of excuses, make a little progress.  Instead of looking back with regret, step forward with enthusiasm.  Choose to view your life based on the best of what is possible.  Choose to define yourself based on the person you know you are capable of becoming.  If you believe it, you can do it. All the negativity from the past can be erased in the moment with a single positive action.  Go ahead and make it happen.  The best way to disconnect from a troubled past is to trust and connect with possibilities of the present moment.  When you embrace the power of now, the future belongs to you.

6.  Knowledge and Education

“When you know better you do better.”
―Maya Angelou

Your education is the most powerful weapon you possess.  It has the power to change the world.  Keep it thriving.  Do not confuse your schooling with your education.  The classes at school end; your education is a continuous lifelong process. Keep your mind open to new ideas.  Challenge your beliefs when you’re given a chance.  The greatest advancements in your education will be based on your willingness to absorb fresh information without resistance and without losing your temper or your poise.

7.  The Importance of Asking Questions

“The scientist is not a person who gives the right answers, she’s the one who asks the right questions.”
―Claude Lévi-Strauss

There is profound power in asking questions.  In fact, the most successful people are rarely the ones who have all the answers, they’re the ones who ask the right questions.  Don’t be afraid to ask.  Ask when you don’t understand.  Ask for what you want.  Ask how to make things happen.  It’s the reason children are always asking so many questions, because they know they’ll never get anywhere if they don’t ask.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Bottom line:  Growth is more about asking than telling.  The way forward is yours for the taking – the way forward is yours for the asking.  

8.  Endings and Beginnings

“In every end, there is also a beginning.”
―Libba Bray

Everything in life has to come to an end sometime.  It’s important to acknowledge and accept the end of an era – to walk away sensibly when something has reached its conclusion.
Closing the door, turning the page, moving on, etc.  It doesn’t matter what you call it; what matters is that you leave the past where it belongs so you can enjoy the life that’s still available to be lived.  This ending is not THE END, it’s just your life beginning again in a new way.  It’s a point in your story where one chapter fades into the next.  Take a look at the first page of this new chapter; it’s a beautiful one.

The 10 Most Underrated Beauty Habits

1. Applying plain-old coconut oil as body lotion.  Apply generously all over and then just pat dry. You can reapply to very dry areas and even put socks on after applying to heels and feet.

2. Exfoliating regularly and thoroughly. Exfoliating is key, otherwise you are putting creams and lotion on dead skin and it cant do its job.

3. Exfoliating your lips too.

4. Using humble, cheapie petroleum jelly. 

5. Braiding your hair before bed for easy waves.

6. Keeping your feet to the grindstone. You have to pumice your feet like daily. Sandals and crusty feet are never cute. 

7. Fighting frizz with an old tee. Drying your hair with a T-shirt versus a towel helps lessen frizz and define curls.

8. Indulging in lavender-laced beauty sleep. Bath & Body Works has a great-smelling lavender vanilla aromatherapy lotion called Sleep. 

9. Practically swimming in body lotion daily.

10. Chilling the heck out. I think taking 20 minutes for yourself each day is the most underrated one. I have to make myself do this and when I skip it I eat more and feel not so focused. I'm trying to fit it in, but with a new puppy and a job with longer hours, it's so tough! The best is taking that 20 minutes with my awesome new headphones! Bliss!

Unconventional Ways to Build Your Confidence

If you were able to maintain a level of self-confidence that no circumstance could shake, what would you be doing differently?  Just imagine the things you would accomplish if you were confident that you COULD.

This kind of confidence comes from positive self-imaging, and it is something that you can proactively build for yourself.  It doesn’t happen while you wait passively.  When you leave it up to external factors, you build your self-confidence on sandy ground.  What you need is a rock-solid foundation, and this only comes from building it from within.

Plenty has been written about building self-confidence – creating a plan, setting goals, finding the right mentor, etc. – but today we’re going to take a look at seven ways that are not as widely discussed:

1.  Take chances that make you feel uncomfortable.

The moment you doubt whether you can do something, you cease forever to be able to do it.  Don’t be afraid to feel uncomfortable.  Don’t be afraid to look uneasy and a little silly in front of others. Running around in your underwear isn’t the solution we’re talking about here, although I’m sure that would feel uncomfortable and look pretty silly.  What we are talking about is growing your inner strength and building your confidence by occasionally putting yourself in situations where you are forced to overcome new and unknown obstacles. It’s all about your commitment to learning, adapting and growing.  Decide that your visions and goals are more important than your self-imposed limitations.  Dare to try.  Step outside of your comfort zone.  Believe you can and you’re halfway there.  

2.  Fail fast and fail often.

You must encounter many defeats to learn how to not be defeated.  Failing is a process of learning; it helps you grow and know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still rise after you fall.  It is this process that boosts your confidence gradually over the course of your lifetime. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop taking steps forward.  In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that most often achieve success.

3.  Be wrong and be OK with it.

You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.
Just like occasional failures, being wrong from time to time is inevitable.  People who take the position of always being right aren’t confident, they’re cocky.  They think they know everything and they want you to know it too.  Ironically, their need to always be right imprisons them from being able to learn from their mistakes. To build true confidence, you have to not mind being wrong.  You have to take a stand, and then admit it if and when you realize your standpoint is wrong.  It’s a process of trial and error that helps you discover what IS right.  And finding out what is right is a lot more important than always being right.
 
Bottom line:  When you’re wrong, admit it and be secure enough to back down graciously, adjust and carry on.  

4.  Compliment others and help them smile.

The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity and kindness, and using these tools to make the world a happier place.
When we think negatively about ourselves, we typically project these feelings on to others in the form of insults, gossip and incidental neglect.  To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people.  If someone looks nice, tell them.  If someone does a good job, applaud them.  Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you.  In the process, you’ll help these people smile, which will help you feel good about yourself.By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

5.  Laugh in the face of frustration.

The best medicine is a strong dose of laughter and letting go.When things don’t go as planned, laughing or crying are often the only two options left, because they are both instinctive human responses to frustration.  Both are OK, but laughing usually feels better.Sometimes a little self-invoked humor is all you need to lift your spirits and light the path forward.  Even in your darkest moments, strive to see the lighter side of a situation and crack a smile.  Doing so will help you think positively and reawaken your confidence about all the possibilities that still exist on the road ahead.

6.  Ignore what most people think of you.

How would your life be different if you stopped allowing people who don’t matter to poison your mind with their opinions? Do you have 5K Facebook friends and 20K Twitter follows?  Good for you.  Do you have a professional and personal social network of hundreds or even thousands?  That’s great.  Just don’t forget that this massive network of acquaintances pales in comparison to the importance of earning and maintaining the trust and respect of the few people in your life who actually matter – your close family members and real friends.  When you earn the trust and respect of these special people, no matter where you go or what you attempt to do, you will do it with a sense of confidence, because you will know the people who truly matter are truly behind you.Let today be the day you stand strong in the limelight of your own truth, without seeking needless external validation.  Accept no one’s definition of your life except your own, and seek approval only from the people who truly matter in your life.  

7.  Begin right NOW.

To resist at the beginning is always the easiest choice to make, and it’s also the only choice that guarantees you will never reach the end result you desire.

Too often we fall victim to our own waiting.  We feel we have to wait for just the right moment:  To be promoted, to be appointed, to be ready, to be somehow chosen by the powers above, as if there will suddenly be a moment when everything makes perfect sense and the road to our dreams is effortless.

But the truth is, it’s usually just a matter of thinking, “Why not me?  Why not now?”
Right now, in today’s digital, interconnected world, you have access to everything you need.  You can connect with almost anyone you need to know through social media.  You can build your own relationships and professional networks.  You can design and create your own portfolio and products.  You can use blogging and content marketing to attract attention, customers and funding.  You can choose your own path – you can choose to follow whatever course you wish.

Right now, without calling attention to yourself, you can begin to make things happen.  You can take a small step forward, and then another, and grow more capable and more confident with every new step you take.