NASA Photo Proves Aliens Trying To Steal The Sun, Just Like I’ve Been Telling You People

Well, this is embarrassing…for you.  Looks like a photo taken by NASA’s Solar and Heliospheric Observatory this week pretty much confirms everything I’ve been saying: extraterrestrials are using a giant heat-resistant robot arm to steal the sun right out from under our noses. Right, Nathan Rich of the Naval Research Laboratory? What? “The streaks in question are consistent with energetic particle (proton) impacts on the CCD, something which is apparent in just about every image”? Oh, don’t listen to him! As far as I’m concerned, all you people on this subway car have a loooooot of egg on your face right now. Eggs produced by giant mutant fowl created on secret government farms! I’m calling it now!